


Dwarves on her Doorstep

by Elinoic



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: A Journey, Dwobbits, F/M, Female Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield, Journey to Erebor, Tragedy, fem!Bilbo, previous marriage to a dwarf, protective Billa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-04-09
Packaged: 2018-05-20 06:47:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 37,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5995519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elinoic/pseuds/Elinoic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From a prompt, but the requester didn't like what I wrote.  So, here's just a story then:</p><p>Years before the company arrived at Billa's doorstep, she met and married a dwarf.  They were so happy and had a beautiful son together, but tragedy struck and took her beloved husband and son away.  Years later, Thorin and company arrive and for the first time in years, Billa feels whole again.  </p><p>So, without them knowing her past, she follows them on their quest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Billa turned thirty three in the golden month of September. Her parents threw her a great party.  It was a special year, after all, for at the age of thirty three, Hobbits became adults.   Billa had been introduced into Hobbit society on her thirtieth birthday, as was custom, giving her a chance to meet and socialize with many handsome Hobbit men.  She had enjoyed those three years, but never did she meet anyone who stirred her heart to make her want to consider marriage.

But on the day of her party, something happened that no one was expecting, least of all Billa. A pair of dwarves arrived in Hobbiton.  They were passing through on their way back to the Blue Mountains, but they were weary and needed a place to rest and some food to eat.  Billa met them in the market place as they were trying to bargain for some meat pies.  The merchant was trying to over price them and they knew it.  One did not try and over charge dwarves, but unfortunately, when it came to food,  no one could out bargain a hobbit, except for a hobbit.

“I’ll not pay so much!” one of the dwarves nearly shouted.

“Sorry, sir, but that’s the price,” the hobbit merchant said, cowering down just slightly at the upset dwarf in front of him. “And if you use that axe on me, everyone will know it was you.”

The dwarf backed away. “I’d not use my axe against a gentle creature such as yourself.”

Billa hated to see the two being treated in such a way. She went up to them.  “Come on now, Mungo,” she said, “I’ll pay you the normal price.  Your meat pies are good, but they aren’t that good.”

“We won’t be taking any charity from anyone,” the second dwarf grumbled.

“It’s not charity. It’s my birthday,” Billa smiled.  “And in hobbit tradition, we give gifts on our birthdays rather than receive them.  This is my birthday gift to you.”

“That’s awfully kind of you miss,” the first one said. “But you don’t know us and owe us no gift.”

“Please let me,” she said, really looking at the two dwarves for the first time. One was taller than the other, although they were both taller than her.  The one closest to her looked quite a bit younger than the other.  His hair was a deep, rich brown that reminded her of fertile soil in the spring.  His beard was thick and came to his shoulders.  His eyes were green, like the leaves on the oak trees in the summer time.  Billa’s breath was taken away.  She had never thought a dwarf could be so handsome, but this one was.  She looked to the other one, who had more lines around his face and seemed to be missing a finger on his left hand.  His beard and hair had streaks of silver in it.  His brown eyes looked angry, but Billa also found him to be quite handsome.  She looked back to Mungo, who was sneering at her.  “Or, I suppose, I can lead you to another merchant for better pies at a better price.  My second cousin twice removed has a stall over there,” she pointed, “and his are much better.”

“Alright, Billa, alright,” Mungo conceded. “Here, two meat pies and half price for you, since it is your birthday.  If you want to spend your money on two dirty dwarves, be my guest.”

Billa bristled. “No thank you, Mungo.  Come,” she said, taking the closest one by the sleeve.  “Cousin Hyacinth’s right over here.”  She pulled them away.  “I do apologize about Mungo.  He’s not nice to most hobbits either.”

“You don’t have to do this miss,” the dwarf said again.

“It’s my birthday and I’ll do as I wish,” she smiled. “Hello Hyacinth, three of your best meat pies, please.”

“Of course. Happy birthday, Billa” she smiled and then saw the dwarrow behind her cousin.  “Oh!”  She quickly pulled out three thick pies from under a cloth.  “Here you are.  Are those dwarves?”

“They are,” Billa smiled, dropping some coins into Hyacinth’s hand. “I’d introduce you, but I’m afraid I don’t know your names.”  Billa turned back to the dwarves.

“I’m Kirin,” the younger one bowed. “At your service.”

“Noli, at your service,” the second one bowed.

“It’s lovely to meet you both, Noli, Kirin, this is my cousin, Hyacinth Chubbs.” She handed them their meat pies.  “Now, how about we go sit under a tree together and enjoy these pies.”

She turned and started to lead them away. The younger of the two, Kirin, handed his pie to his companion and he went back to Hyacinth.  She pointed at another merchant and Kirin approached him. The poor hobbit was so nervous at having a dwarf at his stall, that he made no fuss and gave Kirin what he asked for.  Soon, Kirin was walking toward them with three mugs of ale in his hands.

Billa smiled and she led the way, not too far, but far enough they wouldn’t be disturbed by anyone and they found a large, shady tree to sit under. “Here we are,” she said. 

Kirin handed her a mug. “I hope you like ale.”

“I do,” she smiled. “There is nothing better to go with a meat pie than an ale.”

“So it’s really your birthday?” the older one asked as he bit hard into the meat pie.

“It is. I’m thirty three now.”

Kirin about choked on his pie. “Thirty three? But that’s hardly more than a baby.  You shouldn’t be drinking ale at your age.”

Billa frowned and then laughed. “Oh, obviously, you dwarves reach adulthood at a much later age than us hobbits.  Today is my coming of age day. “

“It’s very young,” Noli said.

“It’s not for a hobbit,” she smiled. “How old are dwarves when they reach adult hood?”

“Seventy seven,” Kirin answered.

“Oh, my!” Billa said, setting her pie into her lap. “How different we are.”

“Not too different,” Kirin smiled. “We all agree that pies and ale are a fine meal.”

“You never told us your name, lass,” Noli said. “We’d like to know whose birthday meal we are sharing.”

“Forgive me!” Billa said, horrified by her lack of manners. “You must think so terribly of me.  What manners I’m displaying.  My name is Billa Baggins, daughter of Bungo.”

“Happy birthday, Billa,” Kirin smiled.

“Will you come to my party tonight?” she asked.

“Ah, lass, that wouldn’t be proper,” the older one said. “We’ve not been invited and I’m not sure we’d be welcomed there.”

“It’s my birthday party and I’m inviting you.”

“That’s very kind of you lass, but we’re only simple dwarves, passing through,” Noli said.

Billa looked into Kirin’s handsome face. “I would truly like for you to come.  There is lots of food, music, ale and dancing,” she said hopefully.  She was surprised by her own boldness.

“Thank you, we would be honored,” Kirin said, “and if I may ask, will you do me the honor of dancing with me one of your first dances?”

“You can have the first,” Billa blushed.


	2. A most unusual wedding

Never in the history of Hobbiton had something so unusual happen, but six months after her coming of age birthday party, Billa was celebrating her wedding. It had happened quickly and some said that Billa had managed to get herself with child and that was why they were so eager to marry.

None of that was true, of course. Billa had never done anything but chaste kisses.  She had certainly never dillydallied around and was proud to tell her dearest husband that she had saved herself just for him.

Kirin was the happiest dwarrow that ever lived. He was alone today.  No one of his kind showed up for the wedding.  He hadn’t really expected it.  The Iron Hills was a long way off.  He had plans to go to the Blue Mountains.  He had heard that Prince Thorin had made a nice settlement there and he had hoped to find a home and a shop to practice his trade.  But after meeting Billa, his plans had changed.  He stayed in Hobbiton and his companion Noli had moved on.

The mayor married the hobbit to the dwarf and a party was held the likes which the Shire had never seen before. Gandalf, the grey wizard came and fireworks were set off.  Billa’s parents were so proud of her.

That night, as Billa and Kirin made love for the first time, Billa couldn’t help but hope that some of Kirin’s seed would take root in her body. She desired to bear him a child as soon as she could.  She prayed to Yavanna that her hobbit womb would be opened to accept dwarrow seed.  Kirin was gentle with her.  He prepared her slowly and with the upmost gentleness.  His prayer to Mahal was that he would do nothing but give his One pleasure.  He feared his dwarrow body might hurt her, but she accepted him like they had been built for one another.

Months went by in blissful happiness. Billa did not fall pregnant, but Kirin explained that it often took years for dwarrows before Mahal would grant them a child.  So Billa didn’t worry and instead worked at making her new smial their own home where hobbit and dwarf could be happy.  As the summer approached, Billa’s father became ill with a summer sickness.  Nothing Billa’s mother or the healers did helped Bungo at all.  He grew weaker as the sickness took him and finally, on mid-summer’s eave, Bungo Baggins passed from this world to the green gardens of their Lady Yavanna.

A year and a half later, winter came early. It was cold and bitter and the warm hobbits were unprepared for such a storm that lasted for days on end.  The sun never broke through the clouds and soon, the river froze and hobbits started to die.  Billa and Kirin moved to Bag End with Belladonna and several other families from Hobbiton moved into Bag End as well.  They could pull their resources  together and it was easier to keep one smial warm rather than two or more.

Billa huddled next to Ferin in bed one dark night. “This is terrible,” she said for the hundredth time.  Her teeth shivered.  “How will we all survive?”

Kirin had no answer. They had the same conversation every day.  He made love to her, worshiping her body in the process, even if he could see that the brutal winter had taken away some of her beautiful padding.  She was too thin now, but he vowed to himself he would make things right come spring.  They would eat and she would grow healthy again.  The love making kept them both warm and chased away all gloomy thoughts.  Billa and Kirin slept well that night.

When spring came, they learned who had not survived. The dead numbered many.  Graves were dug and the hobbits who had died were returned to the ground.  No family was unaffected by loss, including Billa’s.  Her closest cousin, Hyacinth, had died.  Great was their grief and through it all, Kirin stayed strong and did everything he could for his wife.

All abled-bodied men came out with shovels so they could dig graves. Kirin was the strongest and worked harder and longer than anyone else.  Billa tried to help her mother with the bodies, preparing them for the burial, but it was too much and Billa had to excuse herself and go back into Bag End.

When Kirin was done, he went back to where the women were working, but he did not see Billa.

“She wasn’t feeling well and went back to Bag End,” Belladonna explained. “She’s too thin, Kirin.  The winter was hard on her.”

Kirin nodded. “Yes, I know.  We’ll get her healthy again,” he said with a little hope in his voice.  He kissed his wife’s mother on the cheek and he went to Bag End to wash up and find Billa.  He washed his hands, arms and face before looking for her, but she was easy enough to find, sitting in the kitchen, holding a tea cup.

“My dear?” he went to her and laid his hand on her back.

“How are the preparations going outside?” she asked.

“I’m not here to talk about that. I’m worried for you.  Are you alright?”

“I couldn’t work,” she said. “It made me feel sick.  But then I came here and suddenly I was ravenously hungry.”

“Then you must eat,” Kirin said, looking around the bare kitchen for anything she might have.

“I can’t,” she looked to him, her voice quivered. “There’s nothing to eat.”

Kirin went to the pantry. “Come now, I’m sure there must be something.”

“No, Kirin!” she jumped up out of her seat an cried. “No.  We must save what we have and not mindlessly eat because it’s warm outside now.  We don’t have much left and it’s not like we can go out and buy more.  No one has anything.”

“Then we will send for aid,” Kirin said, thinking of his brethren in the Blue Mountains.

Billa chuckled darkly. “My love, if Hobbiton, which is usually mild in the winters had a terrible season, then you can be sure the other nearby settlements had it worse.”

Kirin sighed. He knew she was probably right, but he didn’t know what else to do.  There was very little left to them here in the Shire.

As soon as the bodies were buried, Kirin took all the tools and weapons he had made in his forge over the fall and winter and kissed Billa goodbye. She cried, asking him to please not go, but he was going to sell his wares, earn some money and bring back food.

Billa stayed behind with her mother and missed Kirin with every hour of every day that passed.

Kirin decided that his best chance at finding food was by going to the Gray Havens. He sold everything he had and made some good money.  Being next to the sea, they had plenty of fish and their winter had not been so severe.  They even had sacks of grain and dried corn.  Kirin bought the corn, grains, dried fish and all he could in the way of root vegetables.  He wanted to get Billa some greens, but he knew they wouldn’t survive the journey home. 

When he had all he could pack into his wagon, he headed back to the Shire, Hobbiton, and home.


	3. Billa and Kirin

Kirin’s journey had taken him five weeks. They had been long and hard for him, but for Billa, they had been harder.  She missed him terribly.  Some assistance came from the local Rangers, who brought some food to them, courtesy of the elves, but Billa had given most of her share to the neighbors who had small, hungry children.

As the days grew warmer, Billa spent more time at her own home than Bag End. She had a garden to see too.  She wanted it to grow as much as possible, so she spend a lot of time out in it, weeding it, tending for it and talking to it.  She told her garden of her love that she missed, but knew he would soon be home. 

“Mistress Billa!” a young fauntlings ran to her while she was working in the garden one morning called out.

“Hello there, Mira,” Billa smiled. “What are you doing today?”

“Mister Kirin’s back! I’ve seen him.  He went to Bag End first,” she twittered excitedly.

Billa stood up with a smile. “Thank you Mira.  I must wash up.”  She ran into her home, untied her dirty apron, threw on some fresh clothes and washed her hands, neck and face.  When she was done, she ran out of her home and saw the most wonderful sight.  Kirin was driving his wagon, coming home. 

She squealed and jumped and started to run. Kirin hopped off his wagon and ran to her.  He caught her and spun her around, kissing her passionately.

“Billa,” he breathed in her ear. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” Billa said. “Let’s get your wagon and then you can come inside and I’m going to fix you some lunch and tea.”

Kirin laughed, trust a hobbit to feed you whether you want it or not.

“We still don’t have much, but I’ll fix what I’ve got,” she said.

“Your face is flushed and red. Are you well?” he asked, looking into her eyes.

“Oh yes, I’ve just been working in the garden. If all grows as it should, we’ll have lots of greens and vegetables.  I can’t wait for a good green salad again.”

“I found green foods on my travels, but I could not transport them as far as I had to travel. I’m sorry, Billa,” Kirin bowed his head, feeling bad he hadn’t tried harder to bring his wife the food she desired.

“My dearest, don’t worry about it. You are so dear to think of me like that,” she kissed him again.  They walked hand in hand while Kirin led the pony and wagon back towards their home.  He tied up the pony well far away from Billa’s garden and together they brought in the food he had bought for them.  He had already delivered the rest of his food to the mayor to distribute to those who were in most need and of course some extra food to his mother-in-law.

“You got wheat?” Billa asked with wide eyes.

“And corn,” Kirin said.

“Tomorrow, first thing, we go to the millers. I have such a craving for fresh bread.  Almost as much as I crave green salad,” Billa smiled.

“You’re looking better than when I saw you last, although you are still much too thin,” Kirin said as he set down the bag of flour and the bag of corn in the pantry.

“Flatterer,” Billa said, rolling her eyes. “Getting out and spending most of my days in the sun helps is wonderful.  Food is still scarce, but slowly we are getting more.  And now, with what you brought, we’ll have so much more.”  She kissed him again.

Now that they were inside, the kissing didn’t stop. It grew with fired passion and soon their clothes were pushed up and some of it pulled off as their hands explored each other’s bodies.  Kirin’s hand slide into her shirt and pinched at her breasts before moving down, but as his hand went over her stomach, he stopped.  He pulled away and pushed at her clothes.  Her stomach had a small, round bump and he knew it was not from a nice store of fat on her body.

“Billa!” he cried, looking down at her exposed stomach. “Are you?  Are we?”

“Yes,” she laughed and started to cry at the same moment. “I’m with child.  We’re going to have a baby.”

He dropped to his knees and rubbed his hand tenderly over the bump. He kissed it.  “My dearest Billa.  Mahal has blessed us in our trials.”

She was needing more of his touch. The kisses and caresses he had given her before finding her stomach had left her with a burning need in her belly.  “He has, but you will know more trials if you don’t finish what you started.”  She was panting and grinding her hips towards him.

“But I don’t wish to hurt our babe,” he said, looking up to her with worried eyes.

“You won’t,” she panted. “Now please, take me to our bed.”

* * *

The months passed quickly and Billa grew. The food Kirin had brought helped her a lot and as soon as green things started to show up in the markets, he bought all that he could and took it to his wife, who craved it badly.  Slowly the Shire recovered from it’s terrible winter.  Kirin spent his days sweating in the forge, working hard for his pay so Billa and the baby would have all they needed.

Billa kept in the garden, except on the very hottest days, when she would stay indoors with a large cup of cool water. She would sew and knit and made things for the baby.  It was hard to know what size to make, but Billa made everything big.  Her baby was half dwarf, after all.

The midwife would visit her from time to time and declared her to be too thin, but otherwise healthy.

When fall arrived, there was a great harvest and the harvest festival was held. Billa cooked what she could, but the large half dwarven baby in her belly made her move much more slowly than other expectant hobbits.  She ate well that night and while she didn’t dance, she sat in Kirin’s lap and he swayed with her to the music.

The next day, Billa’s birthing pains began. Kirin was like most expectant father and he was afraid of leaving her alone while he went to fetch the midwife and her mother, but Billa insisted she would be fine while he was gone.

And she was. Her pains were only just getting painful when Kirin returned.  He was allowed to stay with her for a little while, the he was shooed away.  At first, he went to the local tavern and had some ale, but he didn’t want to be too far away.  He feared for his dear wife as he wondered if her too thin-hobbit body would be capable of delivering a dwarven child.  The thought sent him running home, but he wasn’t allowed any further than the sitting room.  So he sat and waited.

He could hear Billa’s moans and then cries. She never once yelled or screamed, but the quieter moans and cries were nearly just as bad.  He was sweating and started pacing and long into the night, he waited.  He sharpened his sword and nearly walked a trench in the sitting room carpet.

At long last, as the sun was just starting to rise in the east, did Billa let out a long, loud yell, followed by the sound of a baby’s cry. Kirin’s breath hitched and he started to sob.  His baby was here and it was alive.  He could only hope that Billa was too.  Another agonizing quarter of an hour passed before the bedroom door opened and Belladonna stepped out. 

“Kirin, why don’t you go on in now,” she stepped aside as he ran past her.

Billa was laying back on a mountain of pillows, smiling wildly and holding a bundle of blankets in her arms. “Kirin,” she grinned. “Come and meet your son.”

A son. Never were there two sweeter words.  He went to her and reverently picked up the child from her arms.  A tiny face peeked out at him from the blankets.  He had Kirin’s hair color and just the faintest fuzz of a beard.  The baby had a perfect button nose, like Billa’s, but round, dwarven ears.

“Billa,” he whispered in awe. “He’s beautiful.”

“He looks just like his father,” Belladonna smiled.

“Except for his nose,” Kirin said, his eyes never leaving the baby’s face.

Billa squirmed uncomfortably. “His head is as big as his father’s.”

Kirin looked worriedly at his wife. “My dearest, are you,” he paused, trying to think of the right words, but only coming up with, “alright?”

She chuckled. “I’m going to be quite sore for a while,” she said.  “He’s got a very big head.”

Kirin couldn’t help but wince. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’m not,” Billa smiled. “He’s worth it.”

“Well, what do we name this perfect son?” he asked.

“I want him to have a dwarven name,” Billa answered. “Just as we discussed; a dwarven name for a boy and a flower name for a girl.”

“Well, I know we discussed a number of names, but how about Frerin?” Kirin asked.

“Frerin?” Billa said slowly, letting the sounds roll off her tongue. “I like it.  Does it mean anything?”

“It is the name of my late cousin. He was killed in a horrible battle, long ago when he and I were much too young to be fighting.  He was my good friend,” Kirin said sadly.  “I wish to honor him.”

“Then it is my joy to honor your cousin,” Billa smiled. “Come to mama, little Frerin.”

Little Frerin grew big, strong and happy.  He had a wonderfully exotic look about him.  He looked more dwarven than hobbit, but it was quite easy to see the hobbit in him as well.

Kirin and Billa were as proud of parents are there could be.  They each taught him their cultures and Frerin grew up with a love of sun and food as well as gems and metal work.  They often sang merry songs together as they worked and Kirin spent evenings speaking to his son in the language of dwarves, which Billa didn’t understand, but through daily exposure, she picked up on quite a few words and phrases, although she never told Kirin that.  His language was a secret language and she respected that.


	4. Tragedy

The family travelled together every summer.  They often went to the Gray Havens, but Bree and other man settlements were frequently visited as well because there was a good selling market there for Kirin’s fine blacksmith handy work and craft.  While many didn’t trust dwarves, no one could deny they were the best blacksmiths in Middle Earth and most towns were happy to allow passing dwarves a forge to work in, if one was available. 

The winter after Frerin turned five, was another very cold winter.  Billa was well stocked, but her mother, who was aged and had been missing her husband for many years, succumbed to an illness. Some said it was because she was old.  Some said she was just ill.  Others said she had lived too long without her sweetheart and she longed to be with him again.

Whatever the reason, though, Billa was heartbroken by the death of her mother.  She could not imagine life without her sweet, strong mother.  It was a long, cold, dark winter in Billa’s home and when spring came around and most hobbits left their smials to go out into the sunshine and tend to their gardens, Billa couldn’t work up the desire or energy.

Kirin worried.  It was not like Billa at all not to start working on her garden the first day it was nice enough to do so.  She rarely left their home and she never went to the market.  She took excellent care of Frerin and kept their home in pristine condition, but she never went out into the sunshine.

When summer came and Billa still had not ventured out, Kirin knew that something had to be done. 

“We will leave in five days and make a journey to visit my kin in Ered Luin,” he announced one evening.

Frerin jumped up and shouted for joy, but Billa shook her head.

“No, I’m not up for travelling this year,” she said. 

“You must get out of the smial.  It will do you good,” he told her.

“I can’t,” she said, rubbing her palm into her face.

“Billa, it’s not natural for you to remain indoors like this.  You need the sun.  Your skin is pale and your beautiful hair doesn’t bounce like it used too.  I’m sure you need a good dose of sunshine,” he put his arms around her and pulled her tight.  He ran his fingers through her hair.

Kirin was firm about making the journey although he knew that if she really could not go, he would not make her, but slowly he got her to come around and they packed their things, locked their home and took off down the road on the bright morning of an early summer day.  They had travelled often to Bree, Michael Delving, and the Gray Havens, but he had never taken them to Ered Luin.

Along the way, they stopped one night at an inn.  Most nights were spent on the road, sleeping in the wagon or on hard bedrolls, so a night at the inn was welcomed.  Billa had cheered up quite a bit.  Her skin was a healthy color again and she started singing again while she held Frerin.  Frerin was a good traveler, but he was also in need of a night in a bed rather than a night on the ground and so they arrived at the inn weary and in want of hot food and a reasonably soft bed.

Being so close to a dwarven settlement, there were many dwarves there in the inn; more dwarves than men anyway and Billa appreciated it.  She was uncomfortable about too many large folk, but the dwarves, while slightly taller than hobbits, were a nice height in Billa’s mind.  Kirin found an old friend staying there and they stayed up long and late talking.  Most of the time they spoke in Westron, but once in a while, Khuzdul words were slipped into the conversation or things were whispered in their own language. 

One word that Billa often heard and later realized was someone’s name was ‘Thorin.’  Whoever this Thorin was he was obviously an important person. Billa paid little attention to the news and gossip and instead focused on the bland food and keeping an eye on her son, who was quickly nodding off to sleep.  Billa took Frerin up to their room, leaving Kirin to visit with his friend.

The following day, they headed out again.  They were only four days away from their destination now.  Frerin slept a good deal of the day, which Billa found very odd since he was usually up and chatting and asking questions and trying to get down and run alongside the wagon.  But by the end of the day, when Kirin started feeling off, Billa knew something was definitely wrong.  

They slept that night and then the next morning, both father and son came down with severe stomach aches.  Billa was beside herself not knowing what to do.  There was nothing to do put push forward.  Soon they would reach Ered Luin and there would be dwarves there who could help her husband and son.  She found, growing along the way, some herbs that helped with the pain, and later ones that were good for aching bellies, but they provided little relief for her two ill ones.  The nights were long and neither could keep much down, for the moment they ate or drank, it came right back up. When Billa arrived several days later into Ered Luin, she was in tears with worry.  

"Help me, please," she went to the nearest home.  

"A Hobbit?" the dwarf said.  "We haven't seen hobbits here before."

"My husband, a dwarf, is very ill.  I need a healer," she said.

The door was promptly slammed shut.

"Please!" she cried.  "Where is the healer?"

From the other side of the door, she hear a gruff voice.  "Down the road, turn to the west when you get to the tanners."

Billa jumped back into the wagon where her son and husband were sleeping, or unconcious, she wasn't sure and she didn't really want to know the truth at that moment.  She drove down the road, following the directions of the rude dwarf.

She finally arrived at a home that had the healer's symbol, a symbol that dwarf, elf, man or hobbit would recognize.  She knocked at the door and was later facing a wisened face.

"Can I help ye?"

"Are you a healer?"

"I'm his wife."

Billa was startled.  She thought the dwarf in front of her was a male.  But after a moment, she recovered and urgently explained her need of a healer.

"Well," she scratched at her white beard.  "My husband's at the market, buying some herbs."

"This can't wait," Billa said.  "They are so very ill and we've been on the road for so long.  They must be seen and attended too."

"I'll send my nephew," she said.  She turned into the house and called out a name and very soon, a young looking dwarf with bright red hair appeared.  "Go get uncle right away.  He'll be at the market."

The youth ran off and the woman came out of her home.  "Let's be taking your kin to the examination room."

Together they went to the wagon.  The old woman shook her head sadly when she saw them.  "It's a shame," she said.  Billa lifted Frerin and carried him in and then, between the two of them, they were able to move Kirin.  The old woman was much stronger than she looked.

Soon the youth returned with a dwarrow as equally old looking as the woman.  "Let's see now."  He started to listen to their chests and took their pulse.  After further examination, he turned to her with a grave face.  "I'm sorry lass.  There's nothing to be done for them."

"What?" Bella cried.  "What do you mean?"

"I mean what I say.  There is nothing to be done for them.  This illness only just appeared here in Ered Luin about a year and a half ago.  Those who get sick, tend to die.  Very few have survived.  But then, there is a whole group of us who have not gotten sick at all.  Where have you been lately?"

"On the road for the past two weeks," Billa answered, hardly able to believe what he said.  "We live in Hobbiton.  Kirin is the only dwarf there. One the road, about three or four days ago, we stopped at an inn and met some dwarves there.  Kirin talked for a long time with them.  The next day, they were sick."

"Then you met with someone who carried the sickness, but were not sick themselves.  Your husband and son contracted the illness from them," he explained.

"So they will die?"

"Aye lass, and the sooner, the more kind for them it will be.  I've seen some linger in horrible pain for weeks before passing on."

Billa broke down and cried.  She threw herself on Kirin's chest and then at Frerin.  How could they die?  How could they be taken from her?  How would she survive without them?  Later there was a tap on her shoulder and a cup of tea pushed into her hand.  She drank it in a few large, hot gulps.  "Please wake up, she would beg them.  Please, please."  But they did not.  Frerin groaned and squirmed for a while before becoming quiet again. Billa talked to them for a long, long time

They never woke, and soon both quit moving.  Billa talked on and on through the night, telling them of her love.  Telling them stories, singing them songs and holding their hands.  When she saw her son's time was drawing near, she picked him up in her arms and cradled him.

"My dearest son, I love you so much.  You have been the greatest joy in my life and everyday we have had together has been sweet.  I don't know if you will go where the hobbits go after death or dwarves, but if you go where the hobbits are, I'm sure grandmother Bella is there.  She will hold you and help you."

Soon, her beautiful son breathed his last breath and when he was gone, Bella cried.  Her body rocked back and forth while her shoulders violently shook with the force of her sobs.

She moved to be with Kirin and she laid Frerin's body next to her husband.  She cried and kissed him and soon, he too took his final breath.  And when he did, Billa's world collapsed.  

"We can entomb them here," the kind old woman spoke to her after Billa had cried her tears dry.  "Or you can take them home."

"I will take them," Billa whispered.  The following day, the wagon was loaded and their bodies wrapped in cloth and tied.  The old healer wrote a symbol on a piece of parchment with the instructions to have it carved in stone and placed with them.  All dwarves were entombed with the symbol carved into their place of rest.  Billa promised she would do it.  She would honor her husband's traditions.  She thanks the elderly couple, without ever knowing their names and she left for home with another dwarf as her escort back to the borders of the Shire.  Nither spoke, unless they had too.

When they reached the borders of the Shire, her escort bowed to her, spoke something to the bodies in their dwarven language and then left.  Billa went home, but she didn't know where to go or what to do.  She wanted nothing to do with the smial where she and Frerin had lived.  When her neighbors saw her, they ran to her assistance.  Graves were dug and a brief memorial was held.  Billa took the parchment to a carver, who promised to carve two stones.  With the help of another friend, her smial was cleared out and Billa moved back to Bag End.  

Two weeks later, she laid the stones, newly carven with their names and the symbol, onto the tops of their graves.  She never learned what the symbol meant.


	5. Dwarves on her Doorstep

Nearly eleven years went by and Billa never saw another dwarf until one terrible night.  In that time, 12 unruly dwarves showed up and ate out her pantry.  She nearly burst into tears when she saw two of them.  They were so young and one of them looked so much like her beloved Frerin.   

When the first one arrived, she had been surprised, but she knew that dwarves travelled through the Shire once in a while. But when he invited himself in, she was most taken aback.  Then the second one arrived and she was flustered.  How she wished Kirin were here.  He’d either know them or kick them out for being rude in Billa’s home.

Then the two young dwarves were on the other side of the door when she opened it and Billa just about started to cry. They reminded her so much of Frerin.  She nearly pulled them both into a hug.  The dark haired one looked like her son, but the light haired one had the same smile and those dimples!  They were just like Frerin’s.

When Billa opened her door the fourth time and an entire company fell onto her doorstep, Billa recognized three of the dwarves in the company. One of them, with dark hair, had been one of the dwarves Kirin had known in the inn, just before they got sick.  The second one was the old gray healer who had tended to Kirin and Frerin on their death beds.  And the third one, with the dark red, bushy hair was the one who had escorted her back to the Shire after Kirin and Frerin’s death. But they didn’t seem to recognize her as they invaded her pantry and ate all her food.

She could do nothing except stand back and watch the decimation of her pantry.   “Gandalf,” she pulled him aside later.  “Why did you do this to me?”

“My dear Billa,” he said. “Whatever do you mean?  They’re such a merry bunch.”

“Merry or not, you know my past with dwarves. Why did you bring this lot of them to my house.  I would much have rather have nothing to do with dwarves again.  My heart aches to see them all here.  All I can think of is my husband and son.”

“Billa,” Gandalf said gently, “it is for that reason and several others that I picked you for this company.”

“Whatever do you mean?” she started to ask, but was interrupted by another knock at her door. She went to open it and was greeted by the most important looking dwarf she had ever seen.

“Billa Baggins, I would like you to meet the leader of our company, Thorin Oakenshield,” Gandalf introduced.

Thorin, the name was familiar, but Billa couldn’t place it. It wasn’t until late in the night, she woke in her bed with a start.  Thorin.  She remembered the dark-haired dwarf with the funny hat and Kirin talking about someone named Thorin.  Now she really wished she had understood their conversation.  Bother dwarves and their secret language.

* * *

Billa didn’t know how she had ended up on the back of a pony, but here she was, riding along and feeling very, very sore. It had been the two young lads who had put her on the pony.  Fili and Kili, if her memory served her right.  She assumed they were brothers, but she wasn’t completely sure of that.  She couldn’t help but stare at them.  They reminded her so much of Frerin.

With each day that passed, she watched the entire company more. She was amazed that the three she had met previously, eleven years ago, didn’t remember her at all.  She noticed that there was an accent among them that was not like Kirin’s at all.  He had spent a good part of his life living in the Iron Hills and these dwarves were from Ered Luin. 

On the warm days, she watched as Fili and Kili, who were brothers, she learned, as they would horse around and play. They told jokes and stories, they tried to play a few pranks and had more than a few backfire on them.  Everyone laughed it off good-naturedly, except for Thorin, who always looked to be upset and annoyed, especially when Billa was around, so Billa did her best to stay out of his way.

One very rainy day, Billa watched carefully as Fili and Kili were on their ponies and the road they were on ran alongside a swollen river. Billa was wet and miserable and kept hoping Thorin would call it quits to their travels for the day and find a warm cave to rest in.  But he didn’t and they continued on.

A bolt of lightning struck quite close to them. It was loud and it made Billa and her horse startle.  What happened next went in slow motion so that Billa could see and hear everything that was going on around her, but it was so horrible and it happened so quickly, there was nothing she could do.

Kili’s pony bucked and slipped in the mud, sending both it and Kili into the swollen, raging river.

“Kili!” Billa shrieked, at the same time as many others yelled for him as well. Fili was off his pony in an instant and jumping in after his brother.

“Fili no!” she cried out. She fell off her pony when her foot slipped from its saddle.  An entire crowd had gathered around where Fili and Kili had gone into the water.  Fili resurfaced once and dove back in.  Thorin was about to jump in after them, but huge Dwalin held him back.

It felt like years that Billa stood there and watched, but it was really only a few seconds later that Fili came up again, this time with Kili. They were both spluttering and coughing, but many pairs of strong arms reached out to them and drug them back onto shore.  The pony was lost, but the two brothers were saved.

Thorin scolded them and then he hugged them and held them tightly in his arms for a long, long time.

”Thorin,” wise, calm Balin spoke. “We need to move away from here.  Get the lads out of the storm and into a place where we can have a fire and hot food and drinks for them.”

Thorin thought this was wise and helped Kili and Fili to their feet. Billa brought over a blanket and tried to place it on Kili’s shoulders, but he said he was fine.  Billa felt a little hurt from the rejection, but then again, her blanket wasn’t much drier than his clothes and she couldn’t really blame him for not wanting another wet layer on his body.  It took another hour of journey and Billa was sure that the brothers would catch their death of colds before a cave was found.

After being inspected and declared safe, they moved what they could inside the cave. Gloin and Oin, who were masters at starting fires, got one going in no time flat and the light and heat from the fire soon began to do them all some good.  Everyone stripped down to their trousers and undershirts.  Even Billa removed a good several layer of her clothes, hanging them to dry.  She tried to make sure that the brothers were well cared for and had hot drinks in their hands always.

“Billa,” Fili finally said. “You don’t need to mother us. We are as warm and dry as anyone here.  We are alive and well and don’t need you tending to us constantly.”

Billa stepped back, “Forgive me, Fili. It’s just I only want to make sure you won’t get sick.”

Kili chuckled. “Dwarves hardly ever get sick.”

The pain in Billa’s stomach at that moment was almost enough to make her fall back several steps. It was almost as if someone had pushed her with a knife.

“I know that’s not true,” she whispered, turned around and headed for her bedroll. The stunned dwarves let her be and she lay down and silently cried.

“Did I say something wrong?” Kili asked Thorin.

Thorin merely grunted and got back to sharpening his sword. The company left her alone and Billa quickly fell asleep.  That night, she dreamt of her son, happy and smiling when all of the sudden he fell into the water.  Billa couldn’t swim, but she knew it was the only way to save his life, so she jumped in too.  When her body hit the cold water, she woke up in a gasp.  She sat up and blinked her eyes several times as she got her bearings.  They were still in the cave, but the storm outside had quieted down to a gentle rain.  Thorin, who was on watch, turned to look at her, but when he saw that she was fine, he turned back to face the mouth of the cave.

She rolled over and after a little while, went back to sleep.


	6. Truth

The following day, Kili had a bit of a sniffy nose, but there was no other sign to show he had nearly died. He and Fili laughed and joked as normal.  Billa had to stay away from the two of them because she wanted so much just to throw and extra blanket around Kili’s shoulders and cover his neck with a thick scarf, but she resisted.  Fili had relayed his and Kili’s feelings quite clearly.  They didn’t want her mothering them.  Billa wondered if they had a mother and if they did, why did she let her precious sons go on such a quest as this?

Bofur, Billa later learned the name of the dwarf who had known her Kirin, was a kind soul. She could see why Kirin had been so happy to talk to him.  Bofur was a fountain of social information.  He was kind enough to her, but one evening, he asked Billa to take stew to Kili and Fili, who were guarding the ponies.  With a sigh, Billa took the bowls and headed toward the grassy area away from camp. 

The next few hours were some of the worst for Billa. Trolls.  Troll snot.  Troll fights.  Trolls trying to cook the company.  Billa had been more than amazed when Thorin had laid down his sword for her life.  She was sure he would allow her to be ripped apart and eaten if it meant keeping his company safe.  Billa was determined to pay him back and save their lives.

But when she did, there was no gratitude. She sighed, wishing someone would say thanks, but it didn’t matter.  Her dwarves were safe and that was what was most important.  When had she started to think of them as her dwarves?  There was little time to celebrate anyway, for soon, they were on the run. 

Billa did everything she could to keep track of Kili and FIli and now Ori, too, after she had found out how very young he was,too, although his brothers did a fine job of watching out for him. They were surrounded.  There was no way out and Billa could only watch in horror as Fili took a sword in hand and Kili armed himself with his bow and quiver of arrows.  She watched as Fili and Thorin had a quick conference behind a rock and then they took their places.  Billa put herself near Thorin, feeling he wouldn’t let anything get past him, so she wouldn’t have to fight too much just yet.  But the orcs were closing in fast.  Kili took out as many as he could, but there were more coming at them every moment.

“This way!” Gandalf called. Billa spun around to see him appearing from behind a rock.  She watched as Bofur ran to the rock and jumped in.  He disappeared down a crevice.

“Thorin!” she called. “There is a way out!”

Thorin turned to see Bifur disappearing next. He turned back to his nephews, “Fili!  Kili!”

Fili heard him, turned around and ran, but Kili did not.

Thorin and Billa shouted at the same moment, but Thorin shouted Kili’s name and Billa shouted for Frerin. The look on Thorin’s face that was directed to Billa the next moment was one of shocked loathing.  “Go, Billa!” he yelled at her.

Billa took one last look to see Kili running their way. She jumped in and was caught at the bottom by Gloin, who helped her to her feet, just as Kili came down into the cave and immediately following, Thorin.

“What was that?” Thorin spun to face Billa, but before she could answer, there was a horn sounded in the distance and the sounds of fighting. An orc fell dead at their feet, shot by an elvish arrow.  And just like that, they were on the move again.  Billa was a ways behind Thorin, so she didn’t have to face him just yet, but she couldn’t understand why he got so upset over her slip up.  Why would that offend him so much?  She didn’t understand.

When they reached the other side, they were at the borders of Rivendell. And Billa was spared Thorin’s questions.

Her first night there was the first time she had had any peace since leaving Bag End. She enjoyed the peace, but at the same time, she missed being with the dwarves.  She could see them and hear them, but she did not join them and they didn’t ask her to join them.  She wandered the paths without thought of where she was going.

Her mind was on her son and her husband. Being with these dwarves was so familiar feeling because they were so like Kirin and yet so different.  They were not her beloved at all.   She miss him so much, it hurt. 

“Miss Billa!” voice called to her. It wasn’t loud, but it had authority and power and she couldn’t help but turn to face the speaker.

“It’s Mistress Billa,” she said, “if you want to be formal. I was married once.  But you may call me Billa, if you’d like.”

“My apologies,” Thorin said without sounding very apologetic. “But if you are married, why did you come with us?”

“I said I was married once,” she answered, not at all liking the way this was going. “But I am a widow.  He died nearly 12 years ago, now.”

Thorin gave a slight bow of his head. “I’m sorry to hear that.  What was his name?”

“Kirin,” Billa said, “son of Tirin.”

A look of surprise momentarily crossed his face, but it was gone the next moment. “That sounds like a dwarven name rather than a hobbit name,” Thorin said.

Billa sighed. “That’s because he was a dwarf.”

“You were married to a dwarf?” Thorin asked in surprise. Billa nodded.  “What happened to him?  Did he die in battle?”

“No,” Billa shook her head and sat down on the warm ground by a birch tree. “He caught an illness.  We were on a journey and we met up with a dwarf.  He and Kirin sat and visited for a long time.  The next day, Kirin was sick and four days later, he was dead.”

“Twelve years ago?” Thorin asked. He grew quiet for a moment.  “In Ered Luin, twelve years ago, we had an epidemic that ravaged through the Blue Mountains.  Those of us who survived seemed to have a natural immunity towards the illness.  But more than half of our population died.”

“Half? That’s horrible!” Billa said, feeling very sad for Thorin.

“Aye, it was very hard on our people. No one was unaffected.  Everyone had a loved one die,” Thorin said.

“Including you?”

Thorin nodded. “Especially me.  None of my family died, thank Mahal.  I’ve only my sister and my nephews left, but those are my people and I am in charge of their well-being.  Every soul that died was someone I should have done more to save.”

“You can’t save everyone when it comes to an illness,” Billa said. “I believe that if there had been a cure, Oin would have used it.  When he saw Kirin, he said there was nothing that could be done, but he gave me whatever I needed so that I was comfortable while I sat with him in his final hours.”

“You were with Oin?”

“I didn’t know it at the time,” Billa said. “I only learned his name when he arrived at my smial with the rest of your company.”

“I wonder why he never said anything too me,” Thorin said, looking back towards his company.

“I don’t think he recognizes me. Neither does Bofur.”

“You met Bofur as well?” Thorin asked in surprise.

Billa sighed. She hated this, but maybe if she just told Thorin the story, he would leave her along about it.  She really didn’t enjoy reliving the worst week of her life.

“Thorin, this isn’t easy for me. I’m going to tell this story once.”  She took in a deep breath and collected her thoughts.  “Eleven years ago, my mother died in the winter time.  Kirin said I needed to get out for a while and he wanted to go visit his kin in Ered Luin that he hadn’t seen in decades and was eager to introduce us to them.  About four days away from reaching Ered Luin, we stopped at an inn.  While we were there, Kirin met up with a dwarf that he had known long ago.  I never learned his name, but now I know that it was Bofur.”

Billa closed her eyes, thinking about that night so long ago. It was the last time she had seen her son happy and playful, for the next morning, he had grown ill.  Thorin stood several paces away, his arms folded over his chest and his ice blue eyes were intense.

“They talked, late into the night. They spoke in your Khuzdul and so I understood very little about what was being said.  I went to bed early.  The next morning, they were sick.”

“Billa,” Thorin interrupted. “You keep referring to we and they, but it’s more than just you and Kirin, isn’t.”

Billa nodded. “We had a son.”

“Named Frerin?”

Again, Billa nodded. She had not heard his name spoken out loud in 11 years and Thorin pronounced the name like Kirin had.  It was with an accent that Billa had never been able to reproduce.  “Yes.  He was only six.”

“So very young,” Thorin said sadly.

Billa looked up to see Thorin’s eyes were full of sorrow, even if his body stance hadn’t changed.

“Much too young. I guess they got the illness from Bofur.  He must have exposed them to it and after living all our life in the Shire, we weren’t prepared for the illness.  I’ve often wondered why I did not catch it myself.  I supposed that it must be a dwarven illness.”

“I remember hearing about you. Oin told me.  I was gone during that time.  I had left Ered Luin, to go look for a cure or a healer who could help us.  I never found anything and by the time I had made it home, the sickness had run its course.  Oin told me about a hobbit lass that had arrived with her husband and son, but they were ill and died within a day of arriving.”

“Yes,” Billa nodded. “That was me.  I made the journey to Ered Luin, hoping they could help, but there was nothing to be done, so I remained until they had passed on in peace.  Then I took them home.  Gloin was my escort.  He doesn’t seem to remember me either.  Well, either that or they have chosen not to recognize me as the one who they had met all those years ago.”

“And what happened to Kirin and Frerin?” Thorin asked.

“I took them home to Hobbiton and buried them there. Oin gave me a symbol and told me to have it carved into stone and placed on their graves.  I did.”

“The symbol of Mahal. It’s to help Mahal find them and guide them home,” Thorin said.

“I’ve always wondered,” Billa said thoughtfully.

“How did Kirin choose the name of your son?” Thorin asked.

“Well, he said it was the name of his cousin, whom he had been friends with since they were children, but had died in battle long ago,” Billa said. “Did you know Frerin?”

Thorin turned around and paced a bit. “Frerin was my brother.  Kirin was my cousin.  We knew each other as young children in Erebor, but after the Battle at Moria, where Frerin died, Kirin left for the Iron Hills and I led the rest of my people to Ered Luin.  I never saw him again.  It saddens me to learn he has passed on.”

Billa was astounded. “So my husband was your cousin?”

“Yes,” Thorin answered, “which means he was also related to about half of the company. Balin, Dwalin, Gloin and Oin are all first cousins to each other and second cousins to myself.  Kirin was my first cousin on my mother’s side where the others are on my father’s side.”

Billa couldn’t believe her ears. “So, that also means that my son is cousin to Fili and Kili?”

“Yes,” Thorin answered.

“No wonder they reminded me so much of Frerin,” she said.

“Which explains why you were hovering over them and treating them the way a mother would her sons,” he thought out loud. Thorin stopped his pacing and looked back to Billa.  “I’m glad to understand you better.”

“Are Fili and Kili’s parents still alive?” Billa asked.

“Their mother, my sister, is, but their father died when they were very young lads.”

“Why did their mother agree to let them on this quest of yours? Does she not worry for their safety?” Billa asked.

Thorin actually smiled. “She worries greatly.  She’s threatened me with my life if anything happens to them.  But, Fili and Kili are both adults by dwarven standards.  If Dis had her way, those boys would be tied to her skirts, but they both made their choices and so that is why they are here.”

Billa smiled trying to imagine what their mother must be like.

“I’m sorry our being with you has brought back painful memories. Why did you join us?”  Thorin asked.

Billa sighed. “Because I have felt so empty for too long.  Even all these years later, I miss Kirin and Frerin.  Being with all of you again, made my heart feel a little fuller, but being with Fili and Kili, I can’t get over how much they remind me of Frerin and I can’t help but think that he would have grown up to look just like Kili, but he had more of Fili’s temperament.”

“I’ll talk to them. I’ll talk the company.  They will understand.”

“I don’t want their pity,” Billa frowned.

“It won’t be pity. They will see you as family.  You will be well cared for and watched over.  I’m afraid you might feel overwhelmed and smothered by them,” Thorin gave her half a smile.

“Do I have to be there when you tell them?” she asked quietly.

“No. Leave it to me.  I’ll tell them tonight and you can expect a twelve member escort to breakfast in the morning,” Thorin told her.  He helped her up off the ground and they walked silently back together.

“Goodnight, Thorin. And thank you,” she said when they reached the door to her room.

“Goodnight Cousin,” Thorin said, turning and walking away.


	7. Cousin

The next morning, Billa nearly tripped over the body of the dwarf that was lying on her threshold. In fact, the entire company was there with all their bedrolls. They must have spent the night on her door step.

“Billa!” Bofur’s happy face looked up to her. The next moment he frowned, got up and took her hand in his.  “My deepest apologies.”

“I’m sorry?” Billa said, not understanding in the least.

“For making your husband and son ill. They might still be alive if not for me,” he bowed his head.

“No Bofur, you’ve nothing to apologize for,” she said, giving his hand a squeeze. “We were on our way to Ered Luin, where the illness still lingered in the air.  They would have gotten sick either way.  And the end would have been the same.  Besides, I know how very happy Kirin was to see you.  He said you were an old friend.”

Bofur nodded. “Our paths didn’t often cross, but when they did, we always had a good time together.  I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you lass.”

“I looked quite different then. I was thinner for one thing and my hair was much, much longer.”

“Why did you cut it?” Kili asked.

“My husband told me some of your traditions. How often times, in mourning, after a spouse’s death, the living one will cut their hair.  I mourned for both my husband and my son,” Billa answered.  Her hair was longer now.  It bounced on her shoulders, but she never let it grow beyond that.

 “Aye, that’s true,” Gloin said.  “Many cut their hair, but they let it grow again afterwards.  Eleven years lass, does hobbit hair grow so slowly?”

 Billa smiled and sighed internally.  She was never going to get breakfast.  She couldn’t say Thorin didn’t warn her.  “No, it grows quite normally, but I have continued to cut it.  Every year on the anniversary of their death.”

“Was it a proper marriage?” Dori asked.

Billa looked scandalized.  “Of course it was!  What kind of a hobbit do you think I am?”

There was a bit of a ruckus from the dwarves as they shouted at Dori and each other.

“Matakkatûn!” Thorin yelled and immediately, the noise was silenced.

“I beg your pardon,” Dori said, “I didn’t mean to offend, I only wondered if he had given you a bead as is our marriage traditions.”

Billa sighed, understanding the importance of the dwarven tradition of hair braids and beads.

“Kirin and I were properly married by hobbit traditions and dwarven.  He made sure of that when we wed. I wore his bead all through our lives in the marriage braid.  But he never told me what dwarves do when their spouse dies.  Hobbits, who wear rings, will take off their ring during the mourning phase and wear it around their neck by a chain.  It is what I did with his bead.”  She reached into the neck of her blouse and pulled on the golden chain that hung there.  She held it up so everyone could see Kirin’s bead.  Many of them nodded in approval.

“So, what about,” Ori started, but Billa’s stomach growled. She had had quiet enough.

“Please!,” she interrupted. “I have not yet had breakfast and will answer no more questions until my belly is full.  Now, if you would excuse me.”  She stepped in between Bofur and Kili, then Gloin and Oin, then past Fili, Dori, who sputtered an apology, and then the rest of the company, except for Thorin, Dwalin and Balin. 

She found her way to the dining room, with her large escort and she sat down to toast and butter, hot, sugary porridge, fruits, delicious jams, and sweet spice bread.  Her companions complained about the lack of sausage, but they ate the breakfast there, all the same.  They started out fairly subdued, but became a little more rowdy as they got fuller of the good food.  Billa smiled.  Those were the dwarves she knew and loved.  Sadly, Thorin was nowhere to be seen

 After breakfast, Thorin arrived to call Fili and Kili to council with him.  Before they left, the two brothers approached Billa quite carefully.

“Mistress Billa,” Fili bowed.  “We want to apologize for our behavior towards you after Kili fell into the river.  It’s not that we don’t appreciate your concern,” Fili said, but Kili cut in.

 “We really do.  It’s just we’re kind of on our own for the first time without amad,” Kili said.

“That’s not entirely true, Kee,” Fili said.  “We’ve been on long hunts and there was that one time we both went with Uncle to visit some of the other settlements in the mountains.”

 “Yes,” Kili said nodding his head.  “Fili’s right, but this is our first real big adventure and we wanted to prove to amad and Uncle that we can do it.  I guess we didn’t do so well that day.”

 “It’s not your fault,” Fili said, turning to his brother, “you couldn’t help that the lightning scared your horse.”

 Kili nodded, “But you were inane to jump in after me.  That might have cost you your life.”

 “Kee, we’ve been over this already.  If I hadn’t, you’d be dead and that would kill me and that would be the end of both of our adventures.  I had to jump in after you.”

 Billa watched this conversation as they quickly spoke back and forth, finishing each other’s sentences, talking first to her, then to each other.  She just wanted to hug them both.  But Thorin was right.  They were both adults and probably wouldn’t appreciate having the hobbit hug them.

 “Well, the point is,” Fili said, after they had argued a few moments longer, “that we are sorry and we never meant to hurt your feelings.”

 Billa smiled.  “Apology accepted boys,” she said.  “I understand you better now.”

“And we do you too,” Fili told her.

 “May we call you Imad?” Kili asked.

 “Doesn’t that mean aunt?” Billa asked.

“You know some of our words?”

“Only a few.  Remember, my husband was a dwarf.  Our son called me ‘mama’ in the tradition of hobbits and called Kirin ‘adad.’  Kirin taught me adad, amad, idad and imad.”

 “Since you married our cousin once removed, you’re family now,” Kili said.

“Yes, but my husband died, and so my ties to your family are severed,” Billa said sadly.

“Is that the way of the Shire?” Kili asked.  “Because it’s not that way with us.  You married into the family, you are family.  Forever.”

“So, will you be Imad Billa?” Fili asked.

Billa smiled, her heart ready to burst wide open.  She had family again.  She nodded, when her voice failed, and then she burst into tears of joy when Kili and Fili threw their arms around her and pulled her into a great big hug.


	8. Thunder Battle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your wonderful comments. I appreciate them and you make me happy!

There was little conversation as they made their way out of Rivendell and into the foothills of the Misty Mountains, but Billa found she was never lonely for company.  The dwarves seemed to have adopted her and just having their strong presence was sometimes all she needed to help her endure the days and nights on the road.

As they climbed into the mountains, the days and nights became more uncomfortable.  She ended up on the narrow mountain path with Dwalin in front of her and Bofur behind her.  The first night they slept on the path, Billa hardly slept.  She was terrified of rolling over in her sleep and rolling right off the path and down the cliff side.  The second night on the path, she couldn’t have stayed awake if she wanted to.  She was exhausted.  The third day, it started to pour rain.  The path was wet and treacherous.  It was coming down so hard, Billa could hardly see.  She hoped Thorin would call a stop to their hike, but he kept going.  There was nowhere to stop anyway.  There was hardly room for their feet on the path, so there was no way they could sit down or lie down.  The only hope was to find a cave or hike until they came to better ground.

Billa was cold, wet, and scared.  Her fear went to full blown terror, though, when the mountain’s started to move.  She heard Balin call it a thunderbattle, or at least, that’s what it sounded like he said, but it was hard to tell in the storm.  The mountain moved and she heard Fili yell for Kili.  Immediately, she looked around Dwalin’s large body to see the brothers reach out each other’s hands, but the mountain had split right between them.  Fili was still calling for Kili and Kili was on the other side, moving farther and farther from his brother, his eyes wide with fear.

The next few minutes were the most terrifying thing she had ever experienced.  Later, she could hardly recall what had happened.  All she knew was that in the end, she was slipping off the rock and she grabbed for the cliff’s edge.  Her hand slipped in the rain, but the rocks cut into her fingers.  When the mountain had completely disappeared from under her and her full body weight plus the weight of her back was in her hands alone, she wasn’t strong enough to hold onto the crumbling rock.  She fell with a scream.  Thankfully the fall wasn’t far, but it was more than twice her height and she hit the rock hard.  Her body crumbled and her heavy pack was crushing her.

She was stunned.  Too stunned to know what was happening for several moments.  Up above her, Bofur noticed she was missing.

“Where’s Billa?” he cried out.

“Where’s our hobbit?” Dwalin yelled.

They all looked around and saw nothing.  Carefully, they looked over the edge.  It was Ori, in the back, who saw her on the ledge about eight feet below them.

“There she is!” he cried. 

Dwalin fell to his stomach and reached his hand down, but he was nowhere near being able to reach her. 

“Fili, Kili!” Thorin barked, “Search on ahead and look for a cave!  Don’t go too far.”  He dropped his pack onto the ground.  “Help me Dwalin.”  He started to climb down to Billa, who hadn’t moved or responded to their calls.  His heart was pounding.  If anything had happened to Billa, he… He didn’t have time to think about it.  He was there now, by her side.

“Billa?” He grabbed her shoulder.  “Billa, look at me. Can you get up?” he asked.  From up above him, he heard Fili’s voice.

“We found a cave!” Fili called.

“Come on Billa, we need to move, stand up.” He took her by the hand and saw the blood.  Gently he helped her to sit up.  “Look at me,” he said, taking her face into his hands.  It took a few moments before her eyes focused on him.

“Thorin?”                           

“Yes, come on, we’ll get into a dry cave, but I need you to stand,” Thorin said. He looked up to where Dwalin was looking over the edge.  “Throw us down a rope!”

Moments later, a rope fell on top of Thorin.   Billa was shaking and he worried about her going into shock.  He pulled her into a gentle hug and whispered in her ear.  “I’m going to tie you to the rope.  Dwalin’s going to lift you back to the path and take you to a cave.  I’ll join you in a couple of minutes.  You’re going to be alright.  You’re going to be safe.  Do you understand?”

Billa nodded. Thorin took the rope and tied it around her so she could sit in the loop.  “Don’t let go until Dwalin’s got you.  Alright Dwalin!”

Thorin watched as Billa was slowly lifted out of his arms. She closed her eyes tightly.  Thorin stood on the ledge, with the rain pouring onto him.  He was absolutely soaked to the skin.  Several cold, tense minutes later, the rope was tossed down again.  Thorin tied it around his waist, but he set to climbing the cliff side again.  The rope was in case he slipped.  But he made it without incident and Dwalin led him to the cave.  Gloin had a fire going and Oin was sitting on the ground in front of Billa.  He was inspecting her hands and pulled out some wrap.  With some water from a skin, he washed the dirt and rock from her hands.  Thorin called out a few orders and then sat down next to Billa. 

She still looked to be in some shock. If he had anything dry to offer, he’d give it to her, but everything they had was soaked.  He helped Oin to bandage her hands and that’s when he noticed the blood on her feet.  He looked carefully at her feet and legs and saw they were just as cut and scraped as her hands. 

“I’m worried about her Thorin,” Oin said. “She’s not said a word since getting in her.  She’s going into shock.  Can we warm her a bit?”

Thorin shook off his cloak and layers of shirts. Then he pulled at Billa’s coat, removing it and the top waistcoat.  She was down to her thin shirt, which was nearly see-through due to being so wet.  “Find the driest blanket you can,” he ordered to no one in particular.  Then he pulled Billa’s back to his bare chest.  Soon a blanket that was only damp was draped around them both.  A cup of hot tea was given to Billa the moment it was ready.

The entire company worked together in whispers, doing everything they could to keep Billa warm. When she started to cry, they all gathered around her until Thorin ordered everyone to bed.  Fili and Kili set up their bedrolls near Thorin and Billa, and then brought Thorin’s bed roll over.  They went to the mouth of the cave and sat together, taking first watch.

Billa had buried her face into the blanket and tried her best to will her tears to stop.

“Billa,” Thorin whispered. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

She shook her head. “I’m so sorry,” she hiccupped.

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, lass,” he said quietly.

“I have. No one else fell off the cliff and needed rescuing.  No one else got so scared that they had to be held like this,” she said, her cheeks blushing.

“You were in the wrong place at the wrong moment and as for holding you, I’d do this for any of the company if they required it for their health. Besides, it’s not so terrible, is it?”  Thorin asked.

Billa shook her head ever so slightly.

Thorin sighed. “Billa, you have the heart of a dwarf, but no hobbit should have to endure such a quest as this.  You are too kind and gentle a creature for that.  Go back to Rivendell.  We are not too far away.  Kili could escort you.  From there you could get safe passage home.”

“Are you sending me away?” Billa asked, her voice slightly louder.

“Not exactly,” Thorin started.

“And what about Kili? Would that not dishonor him?”

Thorin sighed. “Sending Kili has two-fold purpose for me.  First, he would be seeing you safely returned and he would make sure the elves didn’t mistreat you.  Secondly, he is very young.  He only just became of age three months before we left.  I didn’t want him to come and his mother didn’t want him to come.  If he was protecting you, then I know he would be safe as well and that would do my heart good.”

“Fili wouldn’t like it,” she said.

“I know,” Thorin sighed again, the weight of his burden heavy on his shoulders tonight. “But I want you safe.  This is more dangerous than what I anticipated. Trolls, orcs, elves, thunderbattles and in the end, there will be a dragon.  You should not have to endure through this.  Go home and be safe and happy.”

“Thorin, I’ve been safe my entire life, but the only times I’ve been truly happy over the last decade is when I’m in the company of dwarves. I’d rather share perils with you and your company than sit home any day.  Yes, I miss my comfy armchair, plenty of food, and a warm hearth to enjoy it by.  I miss all of that, but I’ll not go home now.  I’d rather be in your company, happy and cold, than warm and lonely in Bag End.”

Thorin looked down at Billa, just as she looked up. Their noses bumped and Billa couldn’t help but feel  a slight tingle in her face.

“Pardon me,” Thorin said, moving his head back. “You’re warm again,” he said after several long moments of staring at each other from a nose length.  “You should get some sleep, while you can.”  He reached out for her waistcoat and coat that had been laid out by the fire.  Billa put the clothes back on.  Thorin helped her to pull the blanket back over her shoulders, but without his body heat, she started to shiver again.  His chest was bare and Billa couldn’t help but stare.  It was as handsome as her dear Kirin’s had been.  She wanted to touch it again, but Thorin was pulling his clothes back over his body.

“The boys brought over your bedroll. If you’d like, you can sleep here, next to me.  But, if you do, you can expect a nephew or two to lay out close by.  So, if you are sandwiched in, just push them out of the way,” Thorin explained.

Billa gracefully accepted sleeping next to Thorin. She laid out, adjusting the rocks underneath her as best as she could.  She was asleep faster than she thought possible.

When she woke the next morning, she was warmer and more comfortable than should could remember being in a very long time. She was curled into Thorin and Kili was curled up on the other side of her.  She was terribly embarrassed, but then as she sat up, she saw Fili curled alongside Thorin and among the other family’s, it was a similar scenario.  They had all huddled together for warmth last night.  Even Balin and Dwalin, who were keeping watch sat close together to keep warm in the high mountain air.

“Sleep well cousin?” Gloin asked.

“Yes, thank you,” Billa stammered. She looked to Thorin, “It’s very nice how they call me that, but they really don’t have to keep that up.  I’m not family anymore and when I was it was distance cousins by marriage.”

“Billa,” Thorin said, standing and strapping his swords to his belt. “It’s not just a nickname.  They truly see you as their cousin.  Once you become family, you’re family for life.  Even if your spouse dies, you’re still family.”

There were still several days left in their pass over the Misty Mountains.  Billa was cold, but at least the rain had let up.  The travelling was easier and as night fell, the found another cave.  Bofur was put on watch.  Billa decided to sit with him a while before heading to her bed.  The chatted quietly for a long while.  Billa was saying good night to Bofur and standing up when he pointed to the sword that hung at her hip.

"What's that?" he asked.

She lifted her sword an inch out of its sheath and saw that the blade was glowing blue.  "Orcs!" she called out.

Thorin had noticed at the same moment that his own Orcrist was glowing blue as well and shouted at the same time as Billa, "Up! Arm yourselves!"

But it was too late.  They were falling and it wasn't orcs that was waiting for them, they were goblins.  Billa didn't know what became of her dwarves because her own adventure was quite different.  

When it was all said and done and her mind had a moment to process all that had happened in the Goblin tunnels, running from wargs and orcs, climbing the huge fir trees that were alight with fire, and then the huge grotesque Azog, it was enough to make her start shaking again.  She sat now alone by the fire of their camp and thought back on how she had jumped on an orc and stabbed him to death and then, with her own little sword and one rather lucky kill under her belt, she faced down Azog.  She had placed herself between Thorin and death and by sheer luck and a little wizardry, they were both still alive.  

Then, Thorin had hugged her in gratitude while they had stood on the top of the world.  At least, that was what it felt like.  A new day had dawned and they had lived through a harrowing night to tell the tale.

"Billa?" Thorin's deep voice rumbled.  "Are you well?"

"What?" Billa said, somewhat startled from her thoughts.  "Yes, yes, I'm fine."

"You're shaking again," Thorin said.

"Am I?" she looked to her hands and grasped them tightly to each other.  "I guess I am," she chuckled.  "I was just thinking about everything that's happened in the last full day.  Two nights ago, we were in the cave and I was chatting with Bofur.  Everything that's happened between then and now is too much.”

"I worry about you going into shock again," Thorin said with concern.

Billa smiled and patted Thorin's hand.  "No need to worry, I am fine.  But you!  Are you alright?  You took several nasty falls."

"Dwarves are strong.  I'll be just fine."

"But you're not fine now.  I can tell.  I can see bruises forming and that gash on your nose looks like it's in need of a cleaning," Billa said, sitting up and taking a good look at Thorin.  "Let me get a wash for that."

Thorin held up his hands.  "There's no need Billa."

Billa huffed and walked away to where her pack was.  She reached in and pulled out a leather pouch.  Next she went to Bombur and borrowed a bowl, then she filled the bowl with hot water.

Thorin watched her with some trepidation, but he was curious as well.  She brought everything over to him and sat down next to him once again.  She poured some of the contents of the pouch into the water.  A pleasant herbal odor filled the air.  She pulled out a handkerchief from her pocket and started to stir at the water.

"Where did you get that?" Thorin asked.  "I thought you didn't have any handkerchief's."

Billa huffed again.  "A lot you know.  I've had this since Rivendell.  One of the elves gave it to me.  Don't worry, you won't be infected by elven-made fabric.  It's been through quite enough to render it acceptable for a dwarven adventure."  After several moments, she looked up to Thorin.  "I'm going to wash your nose.  Don't worry.  The herbs help with cleaning and healing.  It shouldn't hurt."

She stood up and carefully approached him.  Holding the cloth out, she gently dabbed at the red gash on his nose.  Thorin closed his eyes.  The first touch of the cloth stung slightly, but it wasn't anything he couldn't handle.  He took in a deep breath.  The odor of the herbs in the water was very pleasant.  Billa washed away at the old blood and dirt. 

"I wish I had some ointment to put on this," she said quietly.

"It will be fine now, thank you," Thorin's voice was quiet and content.

"What about your chest and back?  Did the warg's tooth pierce your armor at all?" she asked.  Thorin didn't answer, but look at her face.  "That's what I thought," she said.  "If you remove your shirts, I can wash at those wounds as well, make sure they are clean and don't get infected."

"It's not necessary."

"Do it while the water is still hot."

Oin came over to see.  He leaned over the water and inhaled it.  "Good," he nodded with approval.  "Do it, Thorin."

Thorin grumbled, but obeyed.  He gingerly removed his clothes.  Billa watched as he struggled, but she didn't offer to help. She would allow him some of his dignity.  Instead she took his clothes as he removed them and set them aside.

"It's a cool night, so I'll be quick," she said. She first worked on his chest.  They didn’t look too bad, but when she touched the warm water to his chest, he inhaled.  “Sorry,” she apologized.  Thorin just grunted and Billa kept working.  On his back, it was much worse.  “These are deeper on this side,” she said, looking at the puncture marks where the warg’s teeth had made it through his clothes.  First she worked at the skin around the wounds.  She washed away at the blood and dirt.  “I’m going to wash the wound now.  I apologize if it stings.”

Thorin gritted his teeth. The sting was biting, but he managed to hold still.  He took in another deep breath and waited.  After several moments, he noticed Billa was humming.  The water she used was still nice and warm and her soft, gentle hands touched his skin, leaving it tingling.  He felt a tingling elsewhere. 

He listened to her voice and it distracted him while she worked. “I’m done now Thorin,” she said, dabbing his back gently.  She picked up and handed him his deep blue undershirt.  “They’re clean.  Hopefully that will keep them from being infected.”

Thorin had to take a deep breath and he hoped that his mind’s wanderings wasn’t evident. Just remain seated and put your shirt back on, he thought to himself.  “Thank you Billa,” he said, taking the shirt.  Already his wounds felt a bit better and he was easily more able to lift his arms over his head to put the shirt back on.

She smiled and moved to dump the water out of the bowl. She washed it as best she could with some more hot water and then she returned it to Bombur.  She put her leather pouch of herbs back into her bag and was approached by Ori, who chatted with her happily about something or other.

Thorin shifted on the log he was sitting on and regretted moving. It only made his situation worse.  He got up and quickly pulled on the rest of his clothes.  He moved to the outside most circle where Nori was keeping watch.  He needed to get away from the fire and from Billa.  Nori grunted his acknowledgement and went back to his watch.  Thorin wondered if there was any way he could stay up all night.  Right now, he just couldn’t imagine going back to his bedroll.  He’d sit here as long as it took for his body to feel normal again.


	9. A Safe House

Billa couldn’t understand why in the world they were having such bad luck. It seemed to be one thing after another. “Are adventures always so adventurous?” she yelled to Nori, who was running alongside her toward the house that Gandalf said might be safe.

Nori just laughed. “Mine are, but I don’t think even I’ve run into so much trouble before.”

Billa couldn’t reply. She just kept running. She knew she was in trouble when Bombur sprinted past her. As soon as they were in and the door was shut and the monster outside gone, did Billa relax.

“Get some rest,” Gandalf advised and Billa was more than happy to agree. She was tired of running. Tired of being on the run. She was hungry and couldn’t remember her last proper meal, but even more than that, she was exhausted. Proper sleep had become almost as rare as food. She looked around, and saw a spot in the straw, pulling a blanket off the cow in the pen, she laid it out and curled up on it. It smelt, but she didn’t care. She was too tired to care.

Thorin watched Billa as she made herself a little nest in the straw. Not for the first time did he feel bad about all the discomforts she had to endure on this journey. He wished he could do something for her. He wished she had returned to Rivendell where she could be safe and comfortable. But on the other hand, he didn’t want her to go either. She was kind, calm and brought a tender side to their rough company, but she was also strong willed, determined and brave.

He had been amused and thankful for the times that she had mothered Fili and Kili. Adults they may be, but they were still young and he knew they missed their mother. Billa was just right. She was quick to comfort them when they needed it, but she was also good about letting them be when they needed that too. He, himself, had grown quite fond of her. Well, they all had, but Thorin was feeling a little more than fond. He felt feelings for her that he had only ever felt once in his life and figured he’d never feel again. He was sure that when his beautiful lady died a century ago that he would never fall in love again. And yet, now…

* * *

The company met their host the following morning. Billa had been the last to join them at the table, much to Thorin’s surprise, but he supposed she must have been quite exhausted. They ate well and all felt better. There was a place for them to get cleaned up and the dwarves helped to construct a temporary curtain around the small pool so Billa could wash herself in privacy.

When she was done and had dressed, she came out from behind the curtain, trying to wring her hair dry. “It’s quite a mess,” she said.

“I could comb it for you,” Thorin offered.

Billa stopped and looked carefully at him. “Don’t you consider that to be rather intimate?”

“If it makes you uncomfortable, I can let you borrow my combs,” he said, a little disappointed at now being allowed to touch her hair.

“It’s not that, but well, don’t you have someone who would be very upset if you were to comb another’s hair?” Billa asked.

“No,” Thorin said quite bluntly. “I have no one.”

“Did you ever?”

Thorin stood up and went back into the house. Billa felt terrible. It had been a very personal question. But then, he had asked her very personal questions when they had been back in Rivendell. She had told him her past, but it seems that he would not do the same for her.

He returned several moments later. “Sit here,” he said pointing to a place in front of him. Billa sat down and Thorin took her hair into his hands. He started to comb at her curls and tangles with gentleness. “Once, a long time ago, I had someone. We were to be married, but fate was not kind to us.”

“I’m so sorry,” Billa said. “Can I ask what happened?”

“It was when we still wandered and before we found Ered Luin. There was a pack of huge wolves that attacked our camp one night. We lost three, including my Erada,” Thorin said sadly.

“That’s terrible,” Billa turned to look at him, but he took her head into his hands.

“Not yet, Billa.” He started to brush her hair again. “I never thought I’d love another after her. I never searched for another or felt a pull towards another. Until now.”

Billa’s back stiffened. “Thorin?”

He finished brushing her hair and then put the comb down next to him. She turned around. “What do you mean?” she asked.

“What I said,” he took her face into his hands. “I never thought it possible for me to love again. Well, I love my sister, my nephews, my people, but to love a woman, I thought that part of me died with Erada. But then, I met you and almost immediately, I felt something. A stirring in my heart. And then I learned your story and felt that somehow, Mahal brought us together. We could heal each other’s hearts.”

“Is it allowed?” Billa asked.

Thorin leaned in and brushed his lips against hers. She gasped slightly and then deepened the kiss. Their hands went to each other’s heads and they rubbed at each other’s hair and scalp. When they pulled away, they were both panting for air.

“Thorin,” she breathed. Her body tingled and her hands gripped tighter around the handfuls of hair that she grasped.

He pressed his forehead to hers, his eyes never looking away from her eyes.

“Thorin?” she asked, a little unsure and loosened her grip on his hair.

“Stay here at the skin changer’s house,” Thorin finally said.

“No,” she shook her head, pulling away slightly.

He pulled her closer, “You’ll be safe here. Don’t come any further with us. Please.”

“Thorin,” Billa kissed him quickly on the lips and pulled back. “We’ve been over this. I signed a contract. I have to go.”

“I release you of your contract. I want you to stay here and be safe.”

“No,” she backed away now and immediately wanted to be in his arms again. Kissing him, preferably. But she needed to make her point. “I said I’d go. I’ve followed you this far. I want to keep going. I want to face the rest of the journey with you.”

“But I want you to be safe.” He took her by the hand and pulled her closer. “We still face Mirkwood, and then there’s getting across Long Lake, and the mountain and possibly a dragon. And we haven’t had the greatest luck when it comes to avoiding orcs. Ever since the trolls, I’ve wanted to keep you safe. And now that I, that we,” he stopped to kiss her again and there was a little more desperation in his kiss. “Please stay and be safe.”

Billa pulled at him, pressing her body against his. Their hands roamed and pulled at each other. Billa had to breathe and she pulled away, but lifted her chin and Thorin went after her neck, peppering it with kisses. Billa ran her fingers through his beard and scratched at his jawline. Thorin gave a little growl.

Billa lost all track of time as she and Thorin devoured each other’s faces with their lips. She felt something hard against her stomach. A desire and panic rose in her at the same moment. Thorin must have sensed it because he pulled quickly away.

“Well,” she panted quietly. “That was unexpected.”

“We need to stop before we both do something we’re not ready for,” Thorin said.

Billa agreed. “I’m sorry, Thorin. I got carried away.”

“So did I,” he said. “Billa, I need to,” he backed away, unsure what to say.

“I understand. We’ll talk later,” she said, also backing up.

They both went their own ways to take care of their needs privately. Billa went into the house and Thorin back to the curtain by the pool where Billa had bathed. When he was recovered and could think straight again, he was more determined than ever that she should stay behind. He had to keep her safe at all costs.

The change in their relationship with each other was immediately known by the others, thanks to Ori walking past them when they had been in the middle of one of their passionate kisses. He had run to the others, telling first his brothers, but then the entire company knew and Fili and Kili grinned at each other. With any luck, Billa really would become their aunt.

Thorin knew that they knew the moment he saw them. He sighed and approached them all.

“So, when do you officially announce your courting?” Dwalin teased. “Before you are crowned or afterwards.”

Thorin about belted him, but the rest of the company laughed. “Alright, yes, we’ve kissed.”

Dwalin’s eyebrow went up. “And?”

“And that is all that passed between us. Look, I need your help,” he looked to them all. They nodded their heads. “I want Billa to remain here until we’ve dealt with the dragon.”

There was some general chaos after that. Some agreed and some disagreed.

“She needs to be with us,” Bofur said.

“Aye, it’s part of her contract,” Dori said.

“It’s not her contract that I’m concerned about,” Bofur said. “Can we trust the skin changer to take care of her?”

“She can’t come,” Fili said, agreeing with his uncle. “What would we do if anything happened to her? Thorin’s right. She needs to be kept safe.”

“She’s our cousin,” Kili continued, “and a dam. We can’t take a female into such peril.”

“That wasn’t a problem before,” Nori said.

“It’s always been a problem,” Kili said, “but now that she and uncle are courting, the queen and mother of the future heir needs to be kept safe.”

Fili grew silent and looked at his brother. Kili was right. If Thorin married her and she bore him a son, he would be next prince in line, not him. Fili felt some relief as well as the shock of displacement.

Thorin shouted at them to be quiet. “You must help me. I want her here and kept safe.”

“We’ll help you,” Balin said quietly.

The company started to break away, going back to their various activities, but now with new developments to discuss. Thorin went to Fili and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Fili, you are my heir. You will always be my heir.” Thorin sighed. “If some miracle of Mahal occurs and I manage to reclaim Erebor and am crowned king, and Billa wants to remain in the mountain with us and be my queen and if, and this is a very big if, but if we are blessed with a male child, he would be my son, but you will still be my heir and Kili crown prince.”

“You don’t have to give me your first born’s birthright, Thorin,” Fili said.

“The crown is mine to pass. I have raised you and your brother as my sons and I have raised you to be heir. I wouldn’t take that away from you,” Thorin pulled him close, pressing his forehead to Fili’s.

“Thank you,” Fili said.


	10. Heart and Soul of a Dwarrow

The following day brought a huge argument between Billa and the dwarves.

“You must stay behind,” Thorin roared. “I don’t want you near the elves or the dragon.”

“And I signed a contract!” Billa roared back. It may had been a few years, but she knew how hard it was to get an idea through a dwarrow’s thick skull and she was prepared to fight for her own honor. “I’ll not be left behind.”

Gandalf seemed much too pleased about everything going on.

In the end, Billa got her way. There was no blood shed, but there was a good threatening of dwarrow heads meeting with a stout wooden spoon. The entire company came to realize that Billa was going to be an excellent queen. Balin was impressed by her strong negotiation skills. Dwalin and Gloin were impressed with the way she stood up to Thorin. His scowling looks had made the strongest dwarves shy away, but she had not been intimidated at all. She had been inches away from his face, her hands on her hips and she had stood her ground. Fili and Kili gained a new fear and respect.

Gandalf had heard Kili whisper to his brother, “She reminds me of amad.”

“You have the heart and soul of a dam,” Thorin had said in his defeat. “Are you sure you did not meet my sister?”

The others in the company laughed at that and Billa was welcomed back among them to join them on the rest of the quest. Despite her strong heart and soul, she was still a hobbit and they vowed to protect her at all costs.

Thorin approached her carefully and placed his hands on her upper arms. “Billa, I hope you understand why I want you to remain behind.”

“Thorin we just went over this,” Billa said, ready to argue her point again, “but yes, I understand why you have asked that of me. Perhaps I understand better than you think.”

Thorin nodded his head. “It is because I love you.”

“I know,” she smiled at him.

“I don’t know if this is appropriate here and it will not follow our traditions at all, but I would like to ask if I might court you,” he said in the presence of his company.

Billa was all smiles. “I would be very happy to accept your courtship.” And before Thorin could move in to give her a kiss, Fili and Kili were suddenly embracing her.

“Imad Billa!” Kili said. “You will make it official.”

Billa was gasping for air. “Get off of me you great stone giants!” The company laughed and the brothers pulled back, slightly red in the face. “I’ve only agreed to court your uncle. I haven’t yet decided if I will accept a marriage proposal, should he ever give one.” She looked to him very seriously and saw the flash of worry that crossed Thorin’s face. Fili and Kili went stiff at the very idea of Billa turning down Thorin. Billa suddenly felt terrible for teasing them and she went to Thorin. “But I’ll have you know right now, that I would accept your proposal should you wish to ever give it to me.”

Thorin relaxed somewhat and then stiffened again. “Don’t be too quick to give me your promise. There are still many weeks ahead on the road and trials to endure. When it is said and done, you might only wish to return to Hobbiton and your warm home there.”

Billa stood inches away from him now. “Well, we shall see.” She lifted herself up on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to Thorin’s. His arms immediately circled around her and held her close. Their kisses were desperate once more and might have led to other activities had the rest of the company not reminded them that they were all still there watching.

Nori was already taking bets as to how soon they would marry and how soon after that a new little prince or princess would be born. Billa blushed, but she was enthralled by the idea of possibly giving Thorin a son or daughter.

With her officially courting Thorin now, they would not be permitted to sleep near one another and as much as that disappointed them both, they both saw the wisdom in that. There was too much passion and desire between them both.

Beorn and Gandalf had been amused greatly by all of this and when it came time for the dwarves to leave, Beorn promised Billa that if she needed to return to a safe house, she was welcomed there. He provided them with fresh supplies as he was able and gave Billa an extra blanket to sleep upon. The ride to the edge of Mirkwood had gone smoothly. It was their first bit of luck since leaving the distant borders of the Shire.

But now before them was a dark forest, the likes of which made Billa feel sick to her stomach.

“Are you alright Cousin?” Gloin came up to her.

“This forest is sick,” she said, her voice weak. “It as if a disease were upon it.”

“How can you know that?” Gloin asked.

“Hobbits are quite in tune with growing things. Not as much as elves are, mind you, but just as you dwarves can feel and know stone, so does a hobbit with soil and things that grow from it.”

“You don’t have to come,” Fili said.

Billa tore her eyes away from the forest to look into Fili’s face. “No, my nephew, I will come. If only to keep an eye on you and your brother for the sake of your poor mother.”

“And we are thankful for that,” Fili said. “As is amad.”

“Fili, Kili, stay close to her,” Thorin said as he took the head of the party.

“I’m not sure if we are to be insulted or not,” Kili said.

“Do we stay by her to keep her safe, or do we stay by her so she can keep us safe?” Fili asked.

Thorin gave Fili a slight smile, “What do you think, lad?”


	11. Chapter 11

The inside of the forest was worse than Billa could have imagined. There were no words to describe how ill it made her feel.

Billa might have been entertained about how delirious her dwarves were by the dark forest if she wasn't so sick herself.  The forest was humid and oppressive.  It was dark and foreboding.  It was very wrong. 

 And then spiders came and they were the most disgusting horror Billa could have ever imagined.

With the help of her little gold ring, Billa was able to hide herself from the spiders, but it didn't mean she hid from the fight.  She was in there with the rest of them, trying so hard to keep an eye on Fili and Kili.  There was no way she would be letting a spider hurt her young cousins.  Well more like her nephews.  But she was impressed with their abilities.  She watched as Kili hunched over while Fili jumped onto Kili's back and that propelled him far enough in the air he was able to land on one of the giant spider's backs and stab the spider before it could grab Kili.  

But try as she may to protect them, she saw Kili stung, then Fili, and as she looked around, she saw more and more of them stung and after a few dizzying moments, they would fall over.  Billa went after every spider she could before she too found a spider's stinger in her side.

When Billa woke, she saw double of everything.  But once her head cleared, she realized she was alone on the forest floor.  She looked up and saw thirteen large, heavy bundles swinging from great webs.  One of them was squirming and very fat.  "Bombur!" she cried out.  The spiders all turned to look in her direction, but couldn't find her.  She picked up the biggest rock she could find and hurled it as far as she could.  The spiders took off after the sound.  Billa climbed up and with her little sword, started slicing through the web bundles, freeing her friends.  They were dizzy and delirious, but all were still alive.

 Sadly, their good luck didn't last and within moments of freeing the last dwarf, elves were upon them.  Billa's ring kept her hidden, although the elves seemed to be aware of her presence, but they couldn't find her.  She followed them as the dwarves were taken away.  She wanted to plead to the elves to let them go.  They were sick from spider venom and a lack of food and water.  But she said nothing and hoped that the elves might be helpful to them.  

 As it turned out, the elves were not helpful and every single one of her dwarves was thrown into a dungeon cell.  Most of them were kept in close proximity to each other.  Fili and Kili were in separate cells, but they shared a wall and if they both reached out far enough, they could touch each other's hand. Thorin, unfortunately, was nowhere to be seen.

 "Fili!" Kili called quietly to his brother.  Fili reached his hand out of his cell and touched Kili's hand in response.  "What do you think happened to Billa?"

 "Shh Kee," Fili whispered.  "I don't know.  Did anyone see her?"

 There was a chorus of no's.

 "I haven't seen her since the spiders attacked," Ori said.

 "But I heard her," Gloin said.  "She was fighting alongside us."

 "Quiet, all of you," Balin said.  "We'll not speak out loud anymore on that subject. We can't let our hosts know of her and they have good ears."

 "Pointy ears," Dwalin loudly grumbled, which brought a chorus of agreement.

 Fili sank back against the stone wall.  "I hope she's alright."

* * *

Billa was running through the halls, trying so hard to find Thorin.  She needed to find him and know he was safe.  But the elven kingdom was a horrible maze.  Late in the night of her first night there, the guards left, except for one and Billa snuck past him and down the stairs to the cells where her friends slept.  She went to Balin's and was happy to see he was still awake and thoughtfully stroking his beard.  She removed her ring and appeared before his door.

"Billa!" he hissed and moved close to the cell door so they were only a few inches apart and could speak without noise.  "How have you gotten past the elves?"

 "A little hobbit magic," she replied.  "How are you?"

 "I'm well, lass, what about you?" he asked.

 "Hungry," she admitted, "but otherwise fine.  How are the others?  Are they all here?"

 "We've not heard word of Thorin," Balin told her.  "Have you seen him?"

 She sadly shook her head.  "Not yet.  You don't think they would have hurt him, do you?"

 Balin sighed sadly.  "Hurt him?  Yes.  Kill him or sustain him permanent damage?  No, they wouldn't do that."

 Billa felt a tear fall down her cheek.  "Oh Balin, I must find him."

 "I have no doubt that you will," he said.  "Little cousin, go find a safe place and get some sleep.  Return as soon as you can to me on the morrow.  I'll save you a bit of my food."

 "You are kind Balin," she said.  "But I really must find Thorin."

 "Sleep, dear girl," he patted her hand that was wrapped around the bars of his cell door.  "You'll be able to find Thorin better after you've rested a bit."

 That did sound wonderful to her, and she might have just curled up at the foot of Balin's cell if she could, but she feared an elf would come by and step on her, so she bid Balin a quick goodbye and she left. She found a small table at the end of the hall where a large vase of flowers stood.  She climbed under the table, curled up, and fell asleep.

 It took three days before Billa was able to find the hall that led her to Thorin.  She had spent most of her time searching and when she wasn't searching, she was sitting with Fili or Kili or having council with Balin about what to do.  When she passed by Oin, he looked at her and said she was looking too thin and tired.  Billa just nodded in agreement and continued her search for her betrothed.  When she finally found him, she nearly cried out loud when she saw him.  His face was cut and there was dried blood on him.  She waited in the shadows until she was completely sure they were alone.

 "Thorin," she took off her ring and held out her hand through his cell.

 "Billa," he took two steps to get from one side of his cell to where she was.  He grabbed her hand and pressed his face into the bars, kissing her.  "Are you alright?  Why are you free?  What about the others?  Are they safe?  Are they free?"

 Billa stopped his questions with another kiss.  "Peace, Thorin.  I'll answer your questions.  Your company is safe, although still locked up.  They are all alive, hale and well fed.  I don't think the same thing came be said for you."

"I'm well enough," he said quietly.

Billa looked at his strong face, which did seem thinner than before.  "As for me, I'm free because the elves don't know I'm here."

 "Don't let them catch you," he said with a plea in his voice.

 "No worries," she said.  "I have a way of keeping myself hidden from them and I have found a safe enough place to sleep.  What is at the end of this hall?" she asked, looking down at the near pitch blackness that was at the end of the long hall.

"I don't know, but I don't think there is much.  No elf goes past my cell door in that direction and no one ever comes from there," Thorin answered.  

 "Perhaps I will sleep there tonight," she said.  "Then I can be near you."

 "I don't want you caught because of me."

 "It's probably safer than where I have been and at least this way I can be close to you.  I've missed you so much."

 "Billa, just get out of here.  Don't worry about us."

 "Do you have rocks in your head?" she asked with a smile.  "I told you, I'm not leaving.  I'm going to find a way out for all of us.  I promise."   They sat down together, facing each other through the bars, their hands never leaving each other.  

Thorin reached up to caress Billa's face.  "My sweet Billa," he sighed.  "You've not been eating well either."

 "Yes, well, it's been hard to nick food without the elves knowing about it, but Balin has been sharing a bit of his own meals with me."

 "Oh Billa," Thorin looked very sad.

 "Forget me," Billa said.  "Your face looks terrible.  Did they hurt you badly?"

 Thorin gave a mirthless chuckle.  "It's nothing I can't handle.  I promise."

 "I can't believe elves would do this to you.  I always thought they were kind and helpful.  I mean, Lord Elrond was good to us."

 "Lord Elrond is of a different kind of elf than Thranduil, the lord of the Mirkwood elves.  But elves and dwarves have a long history together and the last several hundred years have not been good.  Especially between Thranduil and myself and my kin."

 "I'll find a way to get you out," Billa promised him and snuggled herself up as close as the bars on his door would allow.

 "Please be careful."

* * *

 Billa slept in the dark corner of the hall near Thorin's cell.  No one disturbed her and Thorin actually sang her to sleep.  Despite the way the ring made her feel and the hardness of the cold, stone ground, Billa slept better than she had since they had entered the forest.  In the end, she was able to find a way to get the dwarves out of their cells and out of the palace, but it was not without its hazards. And all though Billa made sure her dwarves all had an escape barrel, she forgot one for herself and being a hobbit, she was a terrible swimmer.  As she fell into the water, she felt a strong hand grab her by the collar and pull her up.  She didn't even have time to see who it was because they were moving and the water was icy cold and rough with rapids.  

Water filled her eyes and mouth.  She sputtered and coughed and tried to take in a deep breath of air.  Her back hit a rock and the pain was so great, she let go of the side of her barrel.  Another hand grabbed her and pulled her close.  "Auntie!" she heard a voice yell, but water filled her ears.

 Another voice yelled that there were orcs and she managed to wipe the water off her face in time to see an elf, with an arrow in his back splashing into the water.  An orc jumped down on them from above and was about to stab Nori, but Billa was faster and Sting, her little sword, found its way into the orc's chest.  From there, insanity ensued.  She watched helplessly as Kili climbed out of his barrel and started fighting orcs without any weapons, until Dwalin tossed him a sword.  And then Fili, ever watchful of his brother, managed to save Kili from an orc with a well-aimed dagger throw. But it wasn’t enough to keep the reckless youth safe.

"Kili!" she and Fili yelled at the same moment.  An arrow was sticking out of his leg and he was down.  Fili tried to get out of his barrel, but an orc jumped on Fili and Fili was forced to fight instead of rescue his brother.

 Billa wasn't sure how they survived those next few minutes.  They felt like an eternity as they careened down the river with orcs and elves chasing them.  Billa was bashed and smashed into rock until she was sure she was covered in bruises.  When Thorin called to them to make for the shores, Billa was too tired to try and make her way over.  Hobbits couldn't swim and her body was too tired and cold.  She let go of her barrel, but immediately sank down.

 "Billa!" Thorin cried out.  He swam out to her with Bofur and Nori right behind him.  Together, the three of them lifted Billa enough to get her head clear of the water and got her to shore.  He noticed the way Kili had cried out in pain and sank to the ground, but Fili was right beside him.  Thorin could give his attentions to their situation for a few moments now that Billa was out of the water and Fili would watch over Kili for a few minutes.

This was not good.  He looked at his company, soaked, cold and several of them with injuries. How would they travel any further?

 "Thorin," Dwalin came to him, "this place will be crawling with orcs soon."

Thorin nodded. He turned to Billa to check on her, noticed she had a bleeding wound on her head, and before he could move, a man with a bow was standing over them, ready to shoot Ori.  Dwalin threatened him with a stick and Kili tried to hurl a rock at him, but luckily for him, and perhaps them, Balin intervened.  With some quick flattery and promise of payment, they were secured passage on a barge.  Thorin helped Billa to walk.  She was limping and couldn't quite walk straight.

 "Hobbit heads aren't as thick as ours," Oin whispered to Thorin.  "She might have hit her head a little too hard during the journey."

 Thorin knelt before her on the boat.  "Billa?"  Her eyes were glazed and slightly out of focus, but once she saw him, they righted themselves and Billa smiled.

"Thorin.  We escaped."

 "Thanks to you, my dear," Thorin said, pressing a quick kiss to her lips.  "Rest now.  I hope this evening we'll have a place to stay."

 He gave a quick glance to Kili and Fili. He could see Kili looking rather pale and Fili fussing over him.  "I'm fine," he heard Kili growl. Thorin noted he would have to check on Kili soon himself.


	12. Laketown

Esgaroth was not a pleasant place and the Master was downright unpleasant to deal with, but he promised the dwarves a place to sleep, food to eat and passage to the other side of the lake when they were ready to press forward.  Oin asked for herbs and was brought what they could offer.  He set about treating Billa, who had several cuts to her body and a terrible cold.  She was shivering and sneezing.  Thorin was torn between spending time with her, spending time with Kili, who was doing worse with each hour that passed, spending time with Balin and Dwalin and making plans for their next leg of the journey, or spending time dealing with the Master, who would be providing some of their supplies.

 Well, Fili was with Kili, Bofur and Ori said they'd sit with Bella, and so Thorin dragged Balin and Dwalin with him to go and talk to the Master.  

Billa, meanwhile was feeling very odd indeed.  Everything was tilting and she felt like her bed was bobbing up and down.  Her body burned and then it froze.  She could hear voices and she could hear water lapping.  Nothing made sense and finally she was able to fall asleep.  When she woke next, she was in desperate need to visit some facilities.  Her body ached, but she moved and swung her feet over the bed.

 “Billa?” Thorin’s deep voice said to her out of the darkness. “What are you doing?”

 “Trying not to fall over,” Billa said with a slight daze in her voice. Half a heartbeat later, strong hands were on her shoulders, steadying her. “I need to use the toilet.”

 “Let me help you walk,” Thorin said as he helped her to stand. She clutched to his arm as he slowly led her to the door and down the hall to where the toilet was. He waited outside the door until it opened again and then they silently made their way back. He helped her back in bed.

“Thank you,” she said quietly.

 “Of course, Billa. Is there anything else you require? Some water maybe,” Thorin’s voice was quiet and gentle.

 Billa nodded. “Water, please.”   It was a dark night and what little moon there was didn’t reach the window. Billa could only hear Thorin moving about and the sound of water being poured. “I forgot,” she said quietly. “Dwarves have excellent eyes in the dark.”

“We are made for mountain living,” Thorin replied. Billa could hear the smile in his voice. He pressed a wooden cup into her hands and she slowly drank her fill.

 “Is there anything else?” he asked.

 Billa settled back on the pillows. They weren’t very soft. “No, I’m sleepy, that’s all.”

 “Then go back to sleep my love. I will be right here.”

 “Are you in a chair?” she asked. When he answered that he was, she scoffed. “Thorin, that must be horribly uncomfortable. Please, you are welcome to join me in the bed. It’s not terribly soft, but it’s got to be better than the chair.”

“Billa, we are courting. You know I can’t.”

 Billa chuckled. “I promise to keep my hands to myself.”

 “It’s just not proper.”

“You need sleep too,” she said. “There is no need for you to hurt yourself by sleeping or not sleeping in a wooden chair when there is room on a bed.”

 Thorin did want to stretch out. He had dozed for a few hours in the chair and now had a back and neck ache. “Very well.” He moved and lay out next to her on his back. Billa shifted over a few inches to make room. He was warm and she pressed her head up to his shoulder.

“You’re warm,” she sighed.

 “Sleep now, my love. Wake me if you need anything.” He turned his head and kissed the top of her head. She sighed again and relaxed.

* * *

 

 Thorin would have liked to have gotten on his way to Erebor the next morning, but Billa was still sniffling and Kili’s leg was paining him more and more. Oin managed to get the arrow head out, which had been excruciatingly painful for Kili to endure, but once it was gone, he improved. Fili and Thorin held him. He was fevered, but the pain didn’t seem so great anymore and he was able to sleep.

Thorin conferenced with Fili, Balin and Dwalin about their next move. Time was running out. They would have to leave tomorrow. Thorin made the decision, although he didn’t tell anyone about it, but he would have to leave Billa and Kili behind.

 By that day’s end, Billa was up and about, fever free and only some bruises from the rocky river ride and a sniffy nose to show she had been ill at all. She promised Thorin she was quite ready for the rest of the journey.   Once again, Thorin tried to convince her that she should stay in Laketown and not be anywhere near the dragon, but Billa once again threatened Thorin with a wooden spoon and said she was going.

“You know laddie,” Balin said later, “you’ve faced down Azog and orcs by the hundreds with sharp, poisoned swords, and yet, we’re all afraid of Billa and her wooden spoon.”

 Thorin’s face reddened, but Balin wasn’t sure if it was out of anger or embarrassment. “I can’t fight her back. It’s like facing Dis. Mahal help us all if those two ever meet.”

“You mean when they meet,” Balin patted Thorin sympathetically on the shoulder. “If Billa is to be your wife, there is no keeping her and Dis apart.”

 Thorin just groaned.

 That night, Thorin walked Billa to her room after a great feast. “Tomorrow we head out,” he said, happy to be on the road again. He was so close to his home, it was driving him mad being stuck on the watery town. Billa squeezed his hand and leaned into him in reply. Maybe it wasn’t just being so close to his home that was making him feel excited, he thought, feeling Billa’s body against his.

“Thorin?” Billa said quietly as they reached the door to her room. “Will you stay the night with me?”

 “You’re not sick any longer,” he reminded her.

 She gripped his arm and looked up squarely into his face, “Which is why I want to invite you to spend the night with me.”

 Thorin’s eyes grew wide and then he lunged forward to kiss her hard. Her hands went to his back and she pulled him forward, pressing their bodies closer together. They kissed each other fervently for many long minutes before Thorin pulled away.

“Billa, we can’t,” he panted.

 “Why not?” she buried her hands into his jacket, rubbing them up and down his chest and then she stopped and looked up at his face. “You do not want me?”

Thorin lunged forward and kissed her again. “That’s not it at all. I want you so much. I want to know every inch of your body and be one in mind, body and soul with you. I just don’t wish to impregnate you. We can’t take that risk of you becoming with child. We have a dragon to face yet.”

 “Oh Thorin,” Billa smiled. “You don’t need to worry. Since Beorn’s house I have been drinking my tea with herbs that prevent me from conceiving.”

 “You’ve been planning this since then?”

 “Not really planning, but after you asked to court me and I felt that feeling deep in my belly when we kissed, I decided that it would be good for me to start taking the herbs again in case I could not resist next time we kissed,” she smiled at him.

 Thorin grinned. “Really?”

 “Really Thorin. Tomorrow we leave and who knows when we will be alone again. I want to be with you.”

Thorin smile, kissed her again and led her into her bedroom, bolting the door behind him.


	13. Gold Lust

Thorin was nearly ready to give up the quest. He would be very happy to stay in that bed, as hard and lumpy as it was, forever as long as Billa was by his side. They had made love and there was nothing sweeter in this world to him than being one with her.

Two weeks later, Billa could hardly believe Thorin’s confession to her had been real. Now he was cold towards her. He wanted nothing to do with her. She had faced a dragon for him! But it didn’t matter to Thorin any longer. All he spoke of was his gold and his need for the Arkenstone.  She and Thorin had made love in Laketown and he had playfully teased her and snuck in a few heated kisses and caresses between them when no one was looking while they had journeyed from Laketown to Erebor, but once they had entered Erebor, he had changed, and not for the better. He wouldn’t even look at her now. She had very nearly drawn him away from the gold once, but Dwalin had interrupted and that horrible glaze over his eyes had returned.

They were starving. Even the poor people from Laketown, who had taken up shelter in Dale, were doing better. At least they had a lake to fish. Billa couldn’t remember ever being so thin, even after the fell winter. 

If her beloved Kirin could see her now, he would be furious. He had loved her curves and soft belly. She remembered the way it was when she was with him; the way he had worshiped her body, kissing every inch of it. When she had grown thin during that winter, he had worked himself to the bone to provide for her so she could gain some healthy weight again.

Now, she was thinner than she had ever been.

Billa felt heartbroken and rejected. The others, while they still called her cousin and treated her well, didn’t have the same fondness in them anymore when dealing with her. Gloin had even said at one point that no one, except the dwarves of the company should be allowed near the gold. She didn’t mind not being near the gold. In fact, she did what she could to avoid it, but the way Gloin had said it hurt.

She watched as the love of gold seeped into every member of the company, to some degree or other. Some were much less affected, like Bombur, but Billa suspected that if he wasn’t so hungry for food, he would be hungry for gold. Fili and Kili were wary of the gold, but even in them, she saw flashes of the gold lust that she saw in the others. None was worse, however, than Thorin.

Her stomach had quit grumbling long ago. Now it just ached. There had to be something that could be done. Billa was ready to take an entire box of precious stones to Dale just so she could have a fish to eat.

She lay awake one night, dealing with her hunger pains and making a plan that she put into action the following day.

With her little ring, Billa got out of the mountain by a rope and she snuck to Dale with a pocket of coins. She heard two men talking. Orcs were coming. And goblins. And trolls. They had heard that the dwarves had made it to Erebor and the dragon was dead. They were coming after their revenge on Thorin and to take the gold that filled the mountain halls. Billa needed to warn Thorin. Perhaps if he knew war was coming, he would be willing to ally himself with the men and they could fight together.

Billa sighed. Wishful thinking. Still she had to give it a try and so she went back to the mountain, her purse still full and her stomach empty.

 She approached the level where the gold still smelled of dragon and was stopped by Dwalin.

“I need to speak to Thorin,” she told him.

 “I can’t let you in. Thorin’s orders. No one but the dwarves of the company.”

 “I’m of the company,” she retaliated.

 “You are not a dwarf.”

 “I was married to a dwarf. You have called me cousin,” she said.

 "You are still not a dwarf,” he folded his arms across his chest.

 “Please, I need to speak with Thorin,” she said, “It is an urgent matter.”

 Dwalin sighed. “He will meet with you at his throne.” Dwalin turned and left Billa rather stunned. She left the treasury and went up the levels to where the broken throne sat on the center of a dais. When she arrived, Thorin was there. How he managed to get there before her, she didn’t know, but there he sat, on his throne, in his crown and furs, looking every inch the king he was born to be. Except this wasn’t Thorin. This was a gold hungry monster.

 “Thorin,” she started.

 “You will address me properly,” he interrupted.

 “My betrothed, then,” she said, purposefully steering clear of what he wanted her to say.

 “You will call me King or Your Majesty,” Thorin roared.

 “I might have once, but I’ve been recently reminded that I am not a dwarf, despite my familial ties, and so that means you are not my king. I do not have to address you as such.”

 Thorin moved faster than she could have imagined. He was in her face. “Do not speak to me like that, Halfling!”

 Billa took a step back and then remembered she stood on the edge of an impossibly high bridge. One wrong turn and she would fall.

“My apologies, King Thorin,” she quickly said. He moved back to his throne and sat down. “I only came to share with you some news that has reached my ears from Dale.”

 “How have you heard news from there? Do you speak with those miserable men without my knowledge?”

 Billa nearly panicked. How could she pull this off without admitting she had left the mountain? “A thrush told me,” she said. “The ones around here speak Westron.”

 Thorin relaxed some. This was an acceptable answer to him. “Well? What is the thrush’s message?”

 “He has seen war coming. Orcs, goblins and trolls. Huge battle gear and war machines,” she said. “They have heard of your defeat against the dragon and come to see for themselves if Erebor is truly in the hands of a dwarf again.”

 Thorin's eyes grew darker. “So, they would come to steal my gold would they?”

 “That and worse. King Thorin,” she said, “unite yourselves with the men of Dale. We are only fourteen here in the mountain. There is no way we can fight the armies that are coming.”

 “Have you, Mistress Billa spent years in the study of battle strategies?” he asked with a sneer.

 Billa shook her head.

 “No, you have not,” Thorin continued. “You are a simple hobbit who does nothing but eat.”

 After everything he had said to her over the last week, that final comment was all it took for Billa to snap. “Excuse me, Thorin!” she yelled. “But I do not spend all of my time eating, like you do counting gold! I’ve not had a proper meal in two weeks. I’m hungry beyond starving. My ribs and hips poke out so much, I have bruises on them from trying to find a comfortable way to sleep! I have fought for you, braved waters for you, come face to face with a dragon for you, given myself to you. You are not the same dwarf you were two weeks ago. You loved me two weeks ago. Now you love nothing but your gold.” The realization hit Billa hard, forcing a gasp from her.   She looked up at him and saw nothing of the dwarf she had fallen in love with. “You only love your gold. My part of your quest is fulfilled and my services are no longer required. My contract releases me and I must go.”

She spun around and ran. By the time she got to the end of the bridge, her body was shaking. Shaking from anger or lack of food, she wasn’t sure, but she could barely stand. She was leaving and that was that. She needed air, but as she started to walk away, she heard Thorin roar and his heavy boots running down the bridge towards her.

 Billa yelped when she realized he was coming after her and she started to run. Her feet took her out to the lookout over the entrance of Erebor. Fili and Kili were there, watching the goings on across the way in Dale. Billa barely made it out when Thorin caught her and grabbed her clothes at the collar, choking her throat.

 “You!” he roared. “You promised yourself to me. You are mine!”

 “I am not one of your treasures to be hoarded,” she cried out, trying to pry his hands off her coat.

 “Thorin!” Kili cried out and ran to him. “What are you doing?” He tried to help Billa release Thorin’s fingers, but Thorin pushed him away.

 The yells had brought out more of the company to see Thorin’s iron grip on Billa’s collar, Kili picking himself up off the ground and Fili running into try and stop Thorin. For several moments, there was chaos as they all fought off a half-mad Thorin. Billa’s air was growing more restricted with every moment as Thorin’s grip on her collar grew tighter. It had been too long without food and now, too long with little air, and Billa lost consciousness.

 “You killed her!” Fili screamed when he saw Billa go limp.

 Thorin dropped her. Fili and Kili grabbed Billa and lifted her over Fili’s shoulders, then they ran back into Erebor to the first door they could find that had a lock on it. They locked themselves in and Fili laid her down on the stone.

 Billa gasped for air, desperately trying to fill her lungs again. The brothers sighed in relief. She was still alive, for the moment.

 “Kili, go get Oin and as many blankets and soft things are you can find,” Fili said as he loosened the clothes from around Billa’s neck. Already he could see the red marks her clothes had made on her that would soon turn into bruising.

Kili ran out and Fili locked himself in with Billa. She was breathing, but still not awake. His dear imad. How could this have happened to her? It was only a minute later that Kili returned with the company healer. Kili gave a secret knock that he and his brother had invented long ago when they were very young, mischeivious and having to hide from their amad, Thorin or Balin.

 Fili answered it and let the healer in He knelt beside her and started to work. Oin prodded at her ribs and belly for a while. “She’s much too thin,” he grumbled. “Hardly meat on her anymore.”  He lifted her shirt slightly and showed Fili and Kili the way her ribs poked out so drastically.

 “We’ve all been hungry,” Fili said, “but none of us have lost so much weight as she. Why, Oin?”

 Oin sighed. “I don’t know. Perhaps it is because she is a hobbit.”

 “I thought I remember he saying that hobbits eat five to seven meals a day,” Kili said. “I suppose what we’ve been eating is like starving to her.”

 Oin nodded. “It seems that is so. She needs rich foods, starting with broth. Her stomach is too weak for much more than that right now.”

 “But where will we get any?” Kili asked. “The men at Laketown aren’t doing much better than us, from what I understand.”

 “The nearest civilized place, as much as I hate to say it,” Oin said, “is Mirkwood and after that, the Iron Hills.”

 “I can send a raven to Cousin Dain,” Fili said.

 “She won’t last long enough for that, I fear,” Oin said. “She needs food and soon.”

 “She can have my rations,” Kili said. “Give them to Bombur and see if he can make a soup with them.”

 Fili nodded his head. He would give up his rations for the day too.

“She needs to leave this place,” Oin said. “Hobbits need sunshine, air and food. The mountain has none of those things.”

 “Perhaps Kili and I can take her to Thranduil. He has not met us. Perhaps he would be willing to speak with us,” Fili said. “We could plea for Billa’s health.”

 “No,” Oin shook his head. “Thranduil would know you as Thorin’s heirs. He would throw you back into the dungeon faster than you can say ‘gold.’ Besides, if he doesn’t kill you, then Thorin will if he were to find out you had gone to the elf. Where is Gandalf when you need him?”

 Fili and Kili sighed. They thought hard and wished they knew what had happened to the wizard. “Maybe Bard would help her,” Kili suggested. “He could speak to Thranduil on Billa’s behalf.”

 Oin nodded. “He’s probably your best option.” He looked over Billa again and when he was satisfied that she was breathing well, he stood up. “Someone needs to stay with her at all times. I’ll speak to Bombur about extra food.” He walked out and the brothers looked at each other.

 “The royal bedrooms were untouched by Smaug,” Kili said. “Maybe we can move her to a bed where she would be more comfortable.”

 Fili nodded. “It’s a good idea, but not yet. Not with Uncle still nearby.” He shuddered, thinking back to the way Thorin had grabbed and yelled at Billa. What had happened to his Uncle? It was frightening. This wasn’t his uncle at all. This was another dwarf entirely and Fili didn’t like him one bit.


	14. Sitting by in the hour of war

Billa's eyes blinked open and she realized she was feeling rather well rested.  The room she was in was dark.  And made of stone.  

Oh yes, that's right.  She was inside a mountain.  A mountain filled with gold.  She tried to remember what had happened.  Thorin.  Thorin had grabbed her.  Then Kili was there, then Fili and that was all she remembered.  Thorin!  She shot up and looked around.

"Easy Mistress Billa," Bombur said.  "You're safe."

"Bombur," she sighed.  "What's going on?"

"I've made you some food."

"We don't have any food," Billa sighed, unhappy to be reminded of her aching stomach.

"We don't have much, but we have food," Bombur said.  He held out a bowl to Billa.  "Careful, it's hot."

Billa took the bowl and blew on it.  "Whose rations am I eating?"

Bombur's face turned red.  "Yours," he answered and then whispered, "and Kili's."

"Kili's?" She put her bowl down.  "No, he's a growing boy.  He needs his food."

"He's an adult and he can miss one meal if he chooses," Bombur said.

"But one meal is all we get in a day," she argued.

"Fili said he'd share with Kili." "But Fili's a growing boy, too," Billa said, feeling a tear forming.

Bombur sighed.  "Neither of them will starve if they miss a day," Bombur told her.  "You, on the other hand, already are starving.  So, please eat or the princes will have my beard."

Billa sighed and put the bowl to her lips.  It was surprisingly flavorful and was more than just water with dissolved cram.

"It's good, Bombur," she said.

He gave her a smile.

"So, what's going on," she paused and looked at the door, "out there?"

"I don't really know," he said.  "But we can find out soon enough. I imagine the princes will be here to check on you soon.  They never stay away for long."

Bombur was right, for soon there was a complicated knock on the door.  "That will be Fili," he said getting up and unbolting the door.

"Why are we locked in?" she asked as Fili came in.  When he saw her, he ran to her side.

"Billa!  You're awake.  How are you?  Did you eat?"  He knelt beside her and took her hand.  She was touched by his gestures.  "We've all been so worried."

"Thorin too?" she asked and knew the answer was clear by the way Fili's eyes dropped.

"He still loves you," Fili said after a few moments.  He took her hand in his.  "It's there, in his heart.  We just need to find a way to break him free from the gold, but I know he loves you Billa."

Her hand went to her neck and she felt the tender skin from where he had grabbed her collar and choked her. “Is that why I’m locked in?”

“You are not our prisoner,” Fili said quickly, “it’s just…”

“I understand,” Billa said, resting a hand on Fili’s shoulder.

Fili gave a little sigh before looking her in the face again, "Well, as soon as it's safe, we'll get you out of Erebor and on your way home. But for right now, we need you to stay in the mountain."

"What's going on out there?" Billa asked.

"War.  The elves and the men came to the mountain and threatened war.  Then, dwarves from the Iron Hills arrived, led by my cousin, Lord Dain.  Then there were orcs and trolls and the elves and men and dwarves have united against the evil."

"Well, that's good," Billa said.

"It's not good.  Not for us in the mountain, anyway.  Thorin will not let us out to fight.  Kili and I nearly climbed the wall, but Thorin stopped us.  We don't dare disobey him.”

"Oh my," Billa said.  "It's that bad?  Perhaps I can talk to him?"

"No!" Fili and Bombur cried out.  "Stay here.  Stay safe."

"I can't stay in here.  Let me help.  I can help. Please don't keep me locked up," Billa said, practically begging.

Fili knelt down before Billa.  "Imad, Thorin might not remember his feelings for you, but the rest of the company feels terrible for all that has happened.  We didn't treat you right.  So, until this mess is over, we are going to keep you safe.  It's the very least we can do."

Billa didn't try and argue.  She knew better than that.  But she lept at the chance Fili gave her to leave the room and go sit with the company.  Apparently Thorin was sitting on his throne, conferencing with Dwain. Fili led them to a semi-lit room where the rest of the company sat, anxious about the war going on just outside their doors and being able to do nothing about it.  Kili jumped up and ran to her.  

"Imad Billa!  I'm so glad to see you up."

"I'm fine, dear one," she patted Kili's cheek and her heart clenched thinking of her sweet Frerin.  How many times had she done that to him? She looked to the rest of them.  "It's good to see all of you."

"As it is you," Balin replied with a kind, weary smile.  

Billa sat and listened to them all as they reported on the goings on as they knew it.  Their kin were fighting and being slaughtered and there they sat.

"I suppose I could make an order, since Thorin isn't in his right mind," Fili said.  "Crown prince's sanction."

"Aye, you could," Balin said, "But I would advise that you not.  Thorin would be furious and we don't need to anger him right now.  However, if you see things are getting dangerous or we just get to a point where we can no longer sit here, then aye, you can give orders as Crown Prince that the rest of us would have to follow."

Billa watched as the weight of the mantel of Fili's title settled on him.  It was too heavy for someone so young, but, she supposed, that is what happened to Thorin and he was much younger.  No wonder he was so weary before his time.

They heard a loud crash and a moment later Dwalin walked in with his axe in his hand.

Balin sighed.  "I take it your meeting with Thorin didn't go well?"

Kili leaned over to Billa.  "We sent Dwalin to try and knock some sense into Thorin's thick head.  If anyone could do it, it would be Dwalin."

Billa had enjoyed watching Thorin and Dwalin over the course of the journey.  It was obvious they were the very best and oldest of friends.  Fili had called them shield brothers, which emotionally was as close as blood brother; maybe more so.  Dwalin had been able to speak his mind on anything to Thorin.  They worked well together in a fight and one day, while they had been at Beorn's, she had watched them spar and wrestle.  Dwalin was probably the only one in the company who could take on Thorin and beat him.  Now, Dwalin was smashing whatever he could find with his axe.  His negotiations with Thorin had obviously failed.

"What do we do now?" Ori asked.

Balin shook his head.  "I don't know, lad."

They spoke for a long time, about what their next move ought to be, but no one wanted to go against Thorin. After a while longer, they all became quiet, lost his is or her thoughts about what was to be done.  Finally, heavy boot steps could be heard.

"Quickly Billa," Fili grabbed her and moved her to another room, where she would be well hidden.  When she heard Kili's voice yelling at Thorin because he wasn't going to willingly sit by any longer, did Billa take a chance and peek out.  What she saw was the most tender thing she had ever witnessed Thorin do.  He cupped the back of Kili's head and brought their foreheads together.  He mumbled something to Kili and walked away.

Kili looked triumphant and Billa listened as Thorin asked the company to fight with him. One last time.


	15. Facing Friends and Enemies

Billa wanted to run from her hiding spot and embrace Thorin.  She wanted to plead with him to be careful and return to her, but she knew she could not.  Although she could see the madness was gone from his eyes, she wasn’t sure she entirely trusted him yet either.  But one thing she knew was that she still loved him.  At least, she loved him enough she didn’t want him to die.

Thorin spoke for a while longer and then he left with most of the company in tow.  Fili, Kili, Ori and Bofur came to her, hugged her and told her to stay hidden in the mountain and lock whatever doors to make sure no one found her. 

Billa cried.

Before he left, Billa took Fili aside.  “Thorin gave this shirt to me,” she held up the mithril shirt.  “I want you to wear it.”

“I can’t take it,” Fili said.  “It was Thorin’s gift to you.

“I know and that makes it mine to do with as I wish and I wish for you to wear this today.  Thorin seems to be on some kind of death march.  I wouldn’t be able to change his mind and I don’t want to try.  It’s his mountain and it’s his to defend, but you, my sweet son, are next in line.  If something happens to Thorin, you must carry on.  You must live.  Please, wear the shirt.”  She held it out to him.  “Just give it back to me when the war is over and your life is no longer in danger.”

Fili unbelted his tunics, coats and shirts.  He took the mail shirt and slipped it on over his skin, then put the other shirts and clothes back on.  “Thank you Imad.”  He kissed her cheek.

“Go and watch out for your uncle and your brother, but take care of yourself,” she said. 

He nodded, turned and walked out.  Billa closed and locked her door.  Wiping furiously at the tears from her face.  After several minutes had passed, she heard distantly in the mountain, the sound of a deep horn being blown. Curiously, the sound gave her hope. A moment later, she heard a crashing sound and the deep, deep clang of a huge iron bell.

A sound like that couldn’t have been made by an enemy, so slipped on her ring, unlocked the door and quietly walked out.  The mountain was silent.  She made her way to the gate with the plans of climbing the wall and watching the battle from there.  She was prepared to jump into it to keep Thorin safe.  But when she got there, the newly built stone wall was gone.  An enormous bell, coated in gold, swung from a great chain that went so high she couldn’t see the top.  

Beyond the hole in the stone walls, a fierce battle raged and Billa could just barely make out Thorin’s form and she was sure she saw a flash of golden hair.  Carefully, and with Sting in her hand, she ran out after them, dodging orc and dwarf as the battle continued.  A horrible horn sounded through the air and she looked up to the top of a stone fortress.  Scary-looking flags were being manipulated as a sign of communication.

Billa tried to follow, but it was hard to avoid being hit, stepped on bumped into.  She slowly made her way, helping to kill a few orcs in the process, but mostly avoiding the actual fighting all together.

She managed to find Thorin, who was talking to a red headed dwarf she had never seen before.  Just as she got close, Thorin jumped on a huge battle armored goat and took off.  Billa sighed.  It would take her a long time to follow him, but she was determined to do so.  

* * *

Pulling the ring from her finger, she arrived just in time to see Azog standing on the tower.  In his grasp was Fili.  

"Run!" Fili cried out to them.

Billa wanted to run towards him to save him and run away from what she knew in her heart was about to happen.  She watched in horror as Fili was stabbed in the back.  His eyes were open wide in pain and surprise and then, Azog threw him.  She watched as he tried to grab ahold of the rocks as he fell.  It was terrible to see and in the end, he landed on the hard rocks below, disappeared from her sight.  

"No!" she heard another familiar voice.  Suddenly, Kili appeared and was chasing down ever orc he could find.  Thorin took off running and Billa didn't know where to go or what to do.  She decided to go after Fili, but now that she was visible, orcs saw her.  She was nearly surrounded when Dwalin suddenly showed up with his mighty axe.  With new courage, Billa picked up large stone and started throwing them.  Years of playing conkers and skipping rocks on the pond waters back in the Shire made for Billa having excellent aim.  She threw the stones at her enemies with deadly precision, knocking out what Dwalin missed.

Just as the orcs started to thin out around them, Billa heard Thorin roar.  

She took off running and found Thorin facing Azog.  The huge beast of an orc had Thorin pinned with his sworded arm was very near Thorin's chest.  Billa ran, jumped off a rock and threw herself bodily against Azog, knocking him to the ground.  She was sure that what she was feeling was pain, but her mind didn't really register it.  All she knew is she was being hauled up and then tossed.  She skid across the ice.  This time, she did feel pain and it exploded around her, but she was able to see Thorin deliver a finally killing blow with Orcrist to Azog's chest.  The pale orc fell and Thorin sent his sword deeper into its body.  She saw Thorin turn to look at her, and then she knew no more.

* * *

Billa opened her eyes feeling dizzy and dazed.   After a few moments, her eyes adjusted the light of the room.  It was dim, but there was an orange glow, so a fire was nearby.  She turned her head and felt the pain of an intense headache.  She closed her eyes again and took a deep breath.  This made her realize several things.  Her chest hurt when she breathed and her arm felt stiff.

 “Billa,” Thorin’s deep voice sounded next to her. She turned her head again, closing her eyes against the pain.

”Thorin.”

“Thank Mahal. We were really starting to worry about you,” he said.

Billa’s mind went back as she tried to think about how she had ended up like this. She remembered the ice and hitting the ice hard. Azog had thrown her. Thorin killed Azog. Then she remembered Fili. A tear fell down her cheek.

“My dear?” Thorin said, gently resting his hand on hers.

“Fili,” she whispered. “Azog killed him.”

“You saw that?” Thorin asked. “My dearest, he lives, thanks to you.”

She opened her eyes and focused on Thorin’s face. “What?”

“He lives,” Thorin said slowly. “He’s battered and has a broken leg, and several cracked ribs, but he lived. He told me how you insisted he wear the mithril shirt. It saved his life.”

“And Kili?” she asked, still not daring to move.

“He also lives, although he’s in a bit worse shape, but he’s going to be fine,” Thorin reported.

Billa smiled and tried to take in a deep breath, but it hurt and she stopped.

Thorin’s smile was gone. “You’re in pain. Let me get you some of Oin’s pain tonic.” He picked up a bottle and brought it over. He poured out a sickly looking red liquid. It smelled terrible. “Yes,” Thorin said, answering her unspoken question. “It tastes as bad as it smells, but nothing works better at taking away the pain. It will probably make you sleepy, so don’t fight sleep when it comes.” He held the spoon to her lips.

She slowly opened her mouth and Thorin tipped the spoon into her mouth. She gagged and nearly threw it up, but it went down and churned unpleasantly in her stomach. “Thorin,” she whispered. “Water?”

He brought her over a glass and held it to her lips. She drank all he would allow her and then he settled down next to her.

“May I hold your hand?” he asked. Billa nodded once and closed her eyes as the pain in her head seemed ready to engulf her. “Dearest Billa. I have to thank you for saving me from Azog. I would have died if not for you.”

“I couldn’t let that happen,” she whispered.

“I don’t know if you remember what happened, but after you jumped onto Azog, he picked you up and threw you down the icy river. I killed him, but by the time I got to you, you were unconscious. I worried so much that you had just lost your life to save mine.”

“You’re alright?” she asked, still feeling the headache and parchness of her throat, despite having just had a drink.

“I’ll be fine soon. Azog managed to injure my foot,” which was a major understatement in that he stabbed Thorin’s foot all the way through, “and the rest are nothing more than some scrapes.” He rubbed at the still tender one that ran across his forehead. “And you will be fine. You’ve got a broken arm and a cracked rib and probably a concussion.”

“That would explain the pounding headache,” Billa said, closing her eyes. She could feel sleep pulling at her.

“Yes. But Oin and Gandalf and an elven healer all agree that you will recover. Especially with some sunshine and hearty meals.”

Billa was confused as to why there were flowers flying in the air around her, especially since they were inside the mountain. Forget-me-nots, white tulips and geraniums flew from one side of the room to the other. They were beautiful, but they were making her dizzy.

“Make the flowers stop,” she said, watching the tulips dancing across her vision. Then her eyes went cross and she fell asleep.

Thorin was deeply confused and looked up to see if something was amiss, but no, the room looked as it always did.

“Don’t worry, Laddie,” Oin said, patting him on the shoulder. “Just a side effect of the tonic.”

“She seemed pretty out of it,” Thorin said. “Are we sure that she didn’t sustain any further injuries?”

“No, I’m not sure.” Oin answered honestly. “We can’t be sure until she fully wakes and we can see how her speech is, her memories are, and her motor skills. Until then, we have to be patient and hope for the best.”

Patience was never a strong virtue of Thorin’s, but there was nothing he could do, but wait. At Oin’s insistence, Thorin laid out next to Billa on the bed and caught a little shut eye himself. His body was exhausted and his foot felt like it was on fire with every step he took. He had been so stupid to follow Azog while the monster had been under the water. The pale orc had gone and shoved a knife up into Thorin’s left food.

Oin said it might need surgery. Thorin didn’t want to risk that, so he had it cleaned and wrapped and he would stay off of it as much as he could. Billa stirred some in the night, but she didn’t wake, giving both of them a good night’s rest.

With the morning brought a new set of problems. The day started well enough. Billa woke, lucid and hungry. She and Thorin spoke amiably. She wanted to know the health of each member of the company and was happy when several of them visited. They didn’t speak of what happened on the battements that one day. Which now, had only been four days ago, but somehow felt like a lifetime.

It was finally Billa that brought it up. “We can’t go on ignoring this,” she said trying to adjust her very sore arm under a pillow. Thorin reached over and helped her rearrange the pillow so she could rest her broken arm on it.

“Billa,” Thorin sighed. “When I reached for you and held you in my grasp, I had a war going on in my brain that was bigger than the one we just fought. Voices in my head yelled and screamed at me to kill you. Other voices in my head yelled and screamed at me, telling me what a fool I was being. A loud voice kept scream that you loved me and I love you. Another voice screamed that you only loved me for my gold.   It was a war of words, all of them yelling at me in my mind louder than an orc’s screech.”

“But I know which one you listened too,” she said.

Thorin shook his head. “No. Had I only listened to the voice telling me to kill you, I could have, easily. But I was fighting it. Still, I harmed you and I will be forever sorry. After I left you, my mind continued to scream. I won’t try to explain what happened. It’s impossible to tell exactly what went on in my mind and I’m not sure it was all in my mind. But your voice called out to me and suddenly, I realized,” he paused to look into her face, “everything. “

He painfully moved his foot and tried to make himself more comfortable. “I never stopped loving you.”

“Thorin,” Billa sighed. “I never stopped loving you either, but I’m not sure I can trust you yet.”

Thorin’s face looked like it had been carven from stone. He nodded once. “I understand and I can’t say that I am shocked by your declaration. I don’t deserve your forgiveness or trust. I abused it once. When you are well and the weather turns favorable, you will be escorted back to the Shire, if that is your wish.”


	16. Thorin's Test

The way of things in Billa’s room with Thorin helping and comforting Billa, turned for a while as she started to feel better and Thorin started to feel worse. His foot was paining him greatly. Oin decided it would be best to perform surgery, despite Thorin’s objection. Billa sat with Thorin while they waited for Oin’s strong sleeping tonic to take effect.

He was quiet and nervous and Billa held his hand.

“Never stopped loving you,” he said, slightly drunk on the tonic and nearly asleep. When tears started to leak from his eyes, Billa got very worried.

“Is he hurting?” she looked to Oin, but he shook his head.

“He shouldn’t be,” Oin rubbed at his chin. “In fact, most feel quite happy when they get to this time after taking the tonic.”

“Thorin?” Billa leaned in close and wiped at the tears. “What’s wrong? Do you hurt?”

“I hurt,” he whispered, his voice slightly slurred. “I hurt Billa.”

“Don’t worry, the tonic will take away the pain,” she soothed.

“No, I hurt her. Now she hates me because I hurt her. I love her. Why did I hurt her?” he cried. Thorin’s body shook with his sorrow. He made no move to wipe the tears. They flowed from his eyes, down his cheeks and into his ears. Billa moved to wipe at them with a rag. “I didn’t want to hurt her.”

Billa leaned close to his ear. “Shh, now.  Just relax, Thorin. Billa’s alive.  You need to settle down before you cause yourself injury.”

Thorin shook his head, and continued to cry, but said nothing more. Finally he fell asleep and the tears stopped. His body went still except for the occasional hiccup.

Oin patted Billa on her back. “Why don’t you head out now lass so I can start the procedure.”

Bofur came to her and led her out, taking her to Fili and Kili’s room.

“Imad Billa?” Kili said when he saw her. “What’s wrong? Is Uncle alright?”

She nodded her head. “Oin is starting the surgery now.”

Bofur explained what had happened to the princes and they listened with sadness and joy.

“He means it,” Fili said. “I think he really means it.”

Bofur nodded his head in agreement. “I think so too, but he needs to recognize it and say it when he’s sober.”

* * *

As soon as Oin was done with Thorin and Billa was allowed back in, she was sitting at his side. According to Oin, the surgery went well.  He removed several bone chips that were lodging themselves into the softer tissue of Thorin's foot.  Without the bone chips, he should be able to have less pain and heal.  

Thorin didn’t wake before Billa’s pain and exhaustion caused her to fall asleep while sitting at his bedside. With Bofur’s help, Oin carefully moved Billa to her room, keeping her broken arm steady, and gave her a strong dose of pain medicine. It was a rough night for Thorin and they were glad not to have to worry about Billa during that time. By the time she finally woke up, it was well past noon on the following day. Oin made sure she ate her food before allowing her to go see Thorin.

He was awake, in pain, and angry with Oin for doing this to his foot. When he saw Billa, his face went red.

“Billa, I feel I must apologize for the way I behaved yesterday under the influence of Oin’s tonic,” he said quietly, but firmly.

Billa smiled, sat next to him and held his hand in with her good hand. “Thorin, you’ve nothing to apologize for.”

“I didn’t mean to get so weepy, but I meant every word that I said. I hurt you and I hate myself for it.”

“Don’t be like that,” she rubbed his hand. “You’re still in pain. You’ll feel better soon.”

“My foot will heal, but I don’t know that our hearts will heal. Not as long as we’ve got this between us,” he said.

Billa sighed. “Thorin, I know you were sick in your mind. I have seen hobbits in the Shire, who have been mind sick. Sometimes it’s terrible, sometimes it’s just very sad, but I know they can’t really control it. That’s the way you were and I understand.”

“But you still don’t trust me,” he said.

“No, it’s very hard for me too. Like I said, I understand that you had a mind sickness and that it’s gone now, but who is to say that it won’t come back when you are near any amount of gold again?” she asked. “What if the Arkenstone is found? Will you fall into your sickness again? I don’t fear you now and I know your love for me, but will it remain?”

“We could find out,” Thorin said. “Have Gloin bring a sack full of gold and another of precious gems and golden trinkets. If I feel any twinge of the sickness, I’ll tell you. If you see any inkling of the sickness, tell me. We have to know.”

“Darling, this might not be the best time. You just woke up from surgery. You’re in pain. It’s not a good time to go taxing the mind or soul,” she said.

“I want this done now. I need to know.”

“Alright, but I’m also going to make arrangements that Fili, Bofur, Balin and perhaps Dain are here. We need witnesses.”

“The entire company,” Thorin said. “They all need to see my penance and perhaps my downfall.”

“Have faith in yourself,” she said. Billa stood, wincing a little as her arm was still paining her. She went to find Balin and told him Thorin’s orders. Balin promised to have everything and everyone ready within half an hour. In the meantime, Billa went to her room and opened up the lid to a rusty metal box she had found in her room. In it, she had stashed her old coat and hidden in the coat was the coveted Arkenstone. She had found it when she had first met Smaug, but with Thorin’s behavior and madness, she never found the right time to give it to him, and then she didn’t want too, afraid of what he might do to her if she did.

Now was going to be the true test of Thorin’s words. She would present him with the Arkenstone and hoped to all that was good, that Thorin wouldn’t get angry with her. But that was the test. She tucked it into a pocket in her skirt. The folds of the fabric hid it well and she went back to Thorin’s room. Fili was helping Kili in and Oin brought them both chairs to sit on.

“Really, this is ridiculous,” Oin was grumbling loudly. “Too much activity.”

Billa took her place next to Thorin. He was wide awake and sweating. “Fever?” she asked.

“No, nerves.” he answered. “I don't remember the last time I felt such nervousness.  Whatever happens, I loved you and I love you so dearly right now. Even if I react as worse than before and you leave Erebor, know that I loved you.”

Balin led Dain in followed closely by Dwalin and lastly by Gloin.

“Cousin!” Dain cried out when he saw Thorin.

“Dain, I can’t thank you enough for coming to our aid,” Thorin said with a bow of his head.

“Of course Thorin,” he grinned. “I’m always happy to smash a few orc heads, although smashing a few elf heads would have been better.”

Billa gasped at hearing Dain’s accent. It sounded just like Kirin’s. Dain turned to see her for the first time.

“What is this?” he cried out in his strong accent.

“I’m a hobbit,” she answered. “Billa Baggins, at your service.”

“What’s a hobbit? Ya look like a wee elf,” he said, stepping up to her.

“I’m not an elf. I’m a hobbit from the Shire. Are you from the Iron Hills?” she asked. “From the northern parts of the kingdom?”

“What kind of trickery is this?” Dain snarled. “How do you know I grew up in the north part of the Iron Hills?” He spun around to Thorin. “This short elf has some kind of dark magic about her.”

Fili stood to move to her side, but was beaten there by Bofur, Ori, and Nori, who took a defensive stance around her.

“There’s no dark magic about Billa,” Fili spoke up in defense of his favorite aunt.

“She is not a short elf nor some evil sorceress. She is a widow to our cousin Kirin," Thorin said.

“Kirin went and married a pointy eared half-elf?” Dain cried out.

This time, everyone in the room was yelling. Dwalin looked ready to bash in some heads and Balin was trying to explain that hobbits were in no way related to elves. Fili and Kili were shouting about the insults hurled at their favorite auntie and Dain was yelling at them all about what Billa was. Thorin sat up as much as he could and roared out a firm command in Khuzdul that had everyone quiet in an instant.

“Dain, if you wish to remain in this room, even in Erebor, you’ll not speak that way about Billa again. She is a hobbit, who married our cousin in the traditions of our people and hers. But no matter her relation to us or our cousin, she helped me reclaim my home, which is more than a lot of my other kin did for me. Without Billa, we wouldn’t have even made it here. Without her, we never could have seen the dragon slayed. Without here, my nephews and I would be dead. She has the protection of myself and Erebor. She has been named cousin by all of my company.”

Dain stood back, stunned by Thorin’s declaration.

“And if I can prove myself to her and she would agree, I would take her as my wife and make her my queen,” Thorin looked to Billa. “And I hope very much that I can prove to her, without a shadow of a doubt in her heart, of my love and devotion for her.”

“This is appalling!” Dain cried. “You would take one who is not of our kind and marry her? You would make her a queen of dwarves and have children with her?”

With a nod from Thorin, Dwalin grabbed Dain by the scruff of the neck and hauled him out of the room.

“I have called you all in here,” Thorin said, ignoring Dain’s comment, even though the very idea of having children with Billa was his greatest desire, “to prove to you, to Billa and to myself that my gold sickness is no longer controlling me. If I still feel for it the same lust I did before the battle, then we will be able to take precautions. Already I have some ideas in mind on how we can take care of the gold so that it cannot tempt me, but that is a meeting for another time.”

Gloin and Balin nodded at each other. It was obvious to Thorin that they had been thinking of similar ideas.

“I pray to Mahal that I feel nothing and do nothing and to be honest, I don’t think I will. Before, when we first entered Erebor, I could feel the pull of the gold in my heart. That doesn’t exist anymore, although it surrounds me now and I know that a great deal of it is in this room at this moment. I hope that that is an indicator that I will not be affected. However, if I do get, violent, I expect you all to protect Billa.”

Everyone nodded and Billa felt someone rest their hand on her shoulder, but she didn’t know who. Her eyes were on Thorin and Thorin only. She prayed to any god who would hear her that Thorin’s sickness was gone.

Thorin nodded at Gloin, who reached down to the floor and lifted a heavy chest. He tilted it so Thorin would be able to see the contents and he carefully opened the chest to reveal hundreds of gold coins. Several spilt out onto the bed by Thorin's aching foot.

Thorin stared at the gold. He could see their shimmer in the light and the sound they made as they clinked against each other, but they were nothing more than that. Coins in a box. When he thought back to how it had made him feel earlier, the lust and desire, it made him feel sick.

“Close the lid, Gloin,” he choked. “I cannot look at it without abhorrence. It makes me sick. Please, take it away.”

“Could be the medicine from the surgery,” Oin said. Everyone nodded, but as soon as the gold was gone and the few that had fallen onto his bed removed, he felt better. He asked to see one coin and hold it in his hand.

Gloin handed him a coin. He could feel the eyes of everyone in the room on him and it made him nervous, so instead, he focused on the coin. He felt its coolness in his palm and the weight of it. He looked at the pictures that had been pressed into it when it had been created. An odd thought stuck him and he looked up to Gloin.

“It is a coin,” he said as if it was a new revelation. “It is a coin,” he said again. “It is a circular piece of metal, that has some monetary value. Nothing more.” He flipped it into the air and caught it. “Make sure Bard gets what we promised him.” He flipped it up to Gloin, who easily caught it.

More was shown to Thorin, and while he admired one piece at a time.  He could see the fine workmanship and he was proud to know it was by the talented hands of dwarves that had made such pieces. But, when the gold and gems were shown to him as a larger collection, he felt sick to his stomach. And to think, he had nearly killed Billa over this.

“You are doing very well,” Balin said. “Perhaps we should try this test again in a few days when you are feeling better and make sure it is not Oin’s medicines.”

Thorin agreed completely. It was best to make sure. He looked to Billa with a smile. He expected her to be happy for him, but she still looked nervous. “What’s the matter, my love? Did I not pass the test to your satisfaction?”

“You did wonderfully,” she gave him a weak smile. “But now, I have a test harder than that. It is a true test and can only be given once.” With that, she reached into her pocket and pulled out the Arkenstone.


	17. The greatest test

The Arkenstone shone brightly in Billa’s hand.

“You found it?” Kili looked to Billa.

Billa nodded, but could only watch Thorin’s face.

“It’s beautiful,” Fili said. “The way it glows and shines on its own like that.”

“Yes,” Billa admitted. “It is a beautiful stone.”

“You had it all this time and you didn’t tell us?” another voice behind Billa asked with some alarm. It sounded like Dori.

“I found it. The very first day when I was talking with Smaug. I stole it, right out from under his nose,” Billa explained.

“And you kept it?” another voice called out. Billa thought it might have been Gloin’s.

“Protected it,” Billa answered. Thorin had yet to move since Billa had pulled it out. “I was going to give it to you, Thorin. Many times I wanted to, but I saw the change in you. I feared that you,” she took in a deep breath, unable to go on.

“You feared that if I had it, I would have been worse,” Thorin finished and Billa nodded.  “You were right to fear. I probably would have been.”

“It’s time it was turned back over to you,” she said, placing it right into Thorin’s hands, giving him his ultimate test.

He looked at it for several moments. Billa watched his face. The emotions that ran across it and the way his eyes changed from bright to cloudy to surprised, to sorrowful, to bright again before looking back to her. “Thank you, Billa, for protecting this. I’m going to ask that you protect it a while longer.” He looked next to Balin. “Have a box made for this and a lock of mithril. The stone will be sealed and returned to the mountain.”

He placed the stone back in Billa’s hands.

“Thorin?” Dwalin asked. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“Even now, I feel the draw of the beauty of the Arkenstone and I believe most of you do as well,” Thorin said, looking into the faces of his nephews and kin. “Given time, I think it would drive all of us mad. It is the heart of the mountain. We will return it to her. I believe that if we do this, and then we care for the mountain, the mountain will care for us.”

“It is sound advice,” Balin said.

“Open that drawer over there,” Thorin pointed to a wardrobe. Ori went to it and opened the drawer that Thorin indicated. “There are some silk handkerchiefs. Pull one out.”

Ori found some, amazed that they had not deteriorated with the passage of years. He took it to Thorin, who placed it in his lap. He put the Arkenstone on the silk and then he covered it completely, tying it closed with a knot. As soon as he did, everyone in the room took a deep, relaxed breath. Thorin handed the silk bundle to Billa. “Take it and protect it until we are ready to return it to the mountain.”

Billa smiled. “I will.”

“Alright, that’s enough excitement for today,” Oin said. “Everyone out. Thorin needs to rest. And you two,” he pointed at Kili and Fili, “You need to be back in bed before you pull your stitches and reopen those wounds. If I have to restitch either of you, I’ll be stitching you to the bed so you can’t leave.”

Kili looked nervous and Balin snorted his laughter. Dwalin came to them and helped them up and out of the room.

“Billa,” Thorin called to the hobbit as she turned to leave. “I would like it very much if you stayed.”

Billa came to him. She still held the Arkenstone in her hand. “I need to go put this somewhere safe, unless you do not wish for it to leave your sight again.”

Thorin shook his head. “No, that’s not it at all. I’m sorry, I was being selfish. I only wish for your company, but you have been charged with a great burden and I’m sure your arm still pains you. Go and rest.”

“May I come back later?” she asked.

Thorin smiled. “I would like it very much if you did. But alone. I don’t want any extra stones to come back with you.”

She turned to go, but he called her again. “Billa, thank you. Thank you for saving me from myself. For taking and keeping the Arkenstone. By doing so, you saved us all. I might have been so much worse if I had had possession of that cursed stone. When you held it and I could see it, I felt its pull on me. But I didn’t have the desire or lust that I once had for it. Seeing now, makes me,” he paused to think for several long moments, “sad. When I think of what it took from my grandfather and what it took from me, it makes me sad and slightly ill. I’m sorry to burden you with it now, but you are the only person in whom I can trust.”

“I won’t let you down, Thorin,” she said.

* * *

When Thorin next woke, his food was paining him greatly and he was aware of a warm body next to him. He assumed it was one of his nephews and was about to get onto them for disobeying Oin about getting out of bed again, when he saw the light brown curls. It was Billa, curled into a ball, her forehead pressed into his arm and her own broken arm was being cradled by her other arm.

Thorin felt a surge of joy at seeing her again. She stirred as he moved to look at her better, but in doing so, he only managed to make his foot shoot waves of pain into the rest of his body. When the worst of the pain passed, he looked at her again and saw worry in her eyes.

“I’ll get up to get your some medicine,” she said.

“No, rest. You look to be hurting as well.”

Billa chuckled. “What a pair we are.”

“Oin will be in to check on us soon, I’m sure,” Thorin said.

“Then I must get up,” she said. “He can’t find me in your bed like this.”

“Stay,” Thorin said. “I don’t mind having you here.”

She blushed. “I fell asleep in my room, but I woke up after a horrible nightmare. I came here to see if you might be awake and since you weren’t, I thought maybe I could just sit in here. But I fell asleep in the chair and had the same nightmare. That’s when I got into bed next to you. I slept better, but I don’t think my arm liked it.”

“Battle nightmares?” Thorin asked.

Billa nodded her head. “You, Kili and Fili had all been run through by Azog.”

He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her gently towards him. “Nightmares after a battle are the worst. You never should have been exposed to it. But thanks to you, Kili, Fili and I are all alive and while we might be a little worse for the wear right now, we’ll soon heal and be on our feet again, ready to live the life that you have given us.”

Billa pushed her head further against Thorin’s arm.

“Thank you for coming back to me,” he whispered. “I worried you wouldn’t.”

“After what you showed me yesterday, I am more comfortable with you,” she said.

“I have plans for the gold. I was thinking about back a week or so ago, when you still slept with healing. I’m going to have Gloin and whomever he picks for his team to start the long arduous task of moving all the gold into smaller, separate rooms. These rooms will be locked and very few will have the key. But not me. And not Fili and Kili. Gloin and Balin are the ones right now I would trust to keep the gold for me and from me.”

“Sounds like a sensible plan. It’s going to take a long time to move all of that, though.”

“Yes, especially since I want him to count it all. I need to know how much we have. I believe you were promised a 14th of the share,” he said.

Billa looked up at him. “You would still give me my share?”

“You more than earned it,” he said, giving a gentle caress to her cheek. “I would offer you my share as well, but I’m afraid I have plans for it. I’m going to send money to my sister, to help pay for the equipment for the caravans to move our people from Ered Luin to here, if they wish to come.”

Billa smiled. “I have no need for so much money,” she sighed. “I’ll not take my share. Keep it here and use it for good. Help Dale and Laketown, bring in merchants from Gondor, Rohan, and the Iron Hills.”

“I have one other plan for my money,” Thorin told her, “and when we are both well enough to walk a distance, I’ll show you what that is. But no more talk of gold or money. It brings back recent memories that are too terrible to dwell on. I would rather talk about more pleasant subjects.” He tried to move to touch her more, but the pain was too great in his foot.

“I’m going to get Oin,” she said and painfully got up. She cradled her arm in its sling and left to go find the old healer.


	18. A gift

For a couple of blessed weeks, Dain returned to the Iron Hills and Billa was free of walking the halls in fear of being called all sorts of names in the common tongue and in Khuzdul. Not that he ever did it in front of the company, but even when they were around, he would shoot her glances that clearly expressed his dislike of the hobbit.

When Thorin’s foot was finally healed enough for him to walk some distances without being in too much pain, he took Billa on a little trip across Erebor. They went to the great kitchens, which Billa found to be very impressive.

“Any hobbit would love this,” Billa said as she looked at the many ovens, and the grates for cooking pots over. “It needs quite a bit of cleaning and some new copper pots. I don’t suppose any of the irons left here are any good.”

“It’s one of the areas I really want to concentrate on getting running again,” Thorin nodded.

Billa nodded with approval. “There’s just one thing it’s missing,” she said.

“Food?” Thorin asked.

Billa laughed. “Well, yes, that too. But what you really need is a garden, filled with vegetables, edible flowers, herbs and fruit, although fruits are harder to do.”

Thorin smiled and took Billa by the hand. “Come with me through here.” He led her into a door at the end of the kitchen and they walked out into a sun filled room.

“What?” she asked. “How? Thorin, this is inside the mountain.”

He laughed. “A series of cleverly placed polished glass. They reflect the sunlight from outside the mountain. Long ago, there were gardens in here. Huge, lush gardens filled with food of all sorts. Of course, we dwarves prefer our meats, but we know the value of a good vegetable garden. I want you to have it Billa.”

Billa blinked up at him in surprise. “What?”

“It’s yours. No one can make this place grow as it once did, except for a hobbit. A very beautiful, kind, talented hobbit.” He took her face gently in his hand and brought his face close to hers. They had yet to kiss since before the battle and Thorin’s sickness of the mind. They had held hands and had kissed each other’s forehead or cheek, but it was nothing like it had been. Nothing like when they had been at Beorn’s or Laketown.

Billa hesitated for half a breath before she moved to close the distance between them. The kiss was gentle and chaste, with lips brushing lips. She smiled at him. “Thank you, Thorin. It’s a beautiful gift.”

Thorin chuckled. “It’s not beautiful yet, but I know that you will be able to make it so.”

“I’ll need quite a few things. Shovels, a hoe, a rake, and probably the help of a few strong dwarves to move all the waste to a place where it can be burned.”

“Whatever you need, you will have. We’ll get those things for you. If my foot didn’t still ache some, I would forge those things for you myself. But as soon as I can, I will.”

“There’s no rush,” Billa smiled, “since I can’t use my arm yet. But this gift is the greatest thing a hobbit could ever have. I truly mean that. In hobbit culture, this is the kind of gift is worth of a marriage gift.” She leaned forward to kiss him again and this time, his hand that wasn’t holding his cane went up into her hair and her hand, that wasn’t broken and healing in a sling, went to his beard. She gently ran her fingers through the course hair. Their kisses deepened and soon their tongues were licking at each other’s lips. Billa moaned and then pulled away with a red, embarrassed face.

“Forgive me,” she said.

Thorin kept his hand in her curls. “There’s nothing to forgive. I’m very happy to know that you enjoy kissing me.”

“I do, very much,” she said with a smile. They kissed again, but without so much passion and just enjoyed being together.

Things felt right to Thorin. His mind was clear of gold and the only thing that fogged it up these days was being so close to Billa.

* * *

Thorin called together his company, Dain, and several other important dignitaries, including Bard and Thranduil. They met in the throne room, circling the dais where the throne stood.

“Gold sickness can drive anyone mad,” Thorin said. “And while I feel I am no longer in its clutches, I am not going to take the chance of it tempting me like that again. I stand here before each of you this day to show you the seriousness I take in this. The treasury is huge and unorganized. It is filled with gold. A lock is on that door now and I have no way into the room without a guide. My good friend, Master Gloin, has been charged with the task of counting and moving all the gold into more secure rooms within the mountain. I do not know where those rooms are and I will never know nor will I have a key.”

Bard was surprised and the others in the room, nodded their approval, except for Thanduil, who just looked bored, and Dain, who just kept giving Billa suspicious glances.

“The next situation that needs to be dealt with is the Arkenstone.”

“Was it ever recovered?” Dain asked.

Thorin nodded. “It was and it has been in safe keeping since its discovery. But, it has brought me and my house nothing but trouble, therefore, I have decided to return the heart of the mountain to the mountain. Balin, bring the box please.”

“You what?” Dain called out, but a hand on his shoulder from Dwalin calmed him.

Balin stepped forward with a beautifully decorated box of silver with gold trim. He stood before Thorin and opened the box, to reveal a fine padding of deep green velvet inside.

“Now, Billa,” Thorin said.

Billa stepped forward and pulled out of her pocket the bundle of silk that Thorin had tied. She held it out to him. Thorin took the stone from her and cut at the knots until the silk opened and the Arkenstone was revealed.

“You let the hobbit keep the kings jewel?” Dain cried out.

“I did and she did as I asked. She found it and kept it safe for me,” Thorin said.

Dain looked ready to say something else, but a warning hand on his chest from Dwalin caused him to stop.

“Are you sure this is right?” Nori asked.

Thorin smiled. “We all feel the pull of the Arkenstone and its beauty. I will not allow it to have its hold over us any longer.” He placed the Arkenstone into the box and after one last look, he closed the lid on it. Forever. Gloin produced a lock, silver in color, except every dwarf there knew that it wasn’t silver, but Mithril. Thorin took the lock and snapped it into place. There was no key. No way to undo the lock and the Mithril could not be cut.

“Bofur, Bifur and Ori will take the Arkenstone now and find a place or a way to return it to the mountain. It should never see the light of day again,” Thorin said, holding the box out to Bofur.

“Are you sure that’s wise?” Thranduil said. “How do you know they will not keep the Arkenstone themselves?”

The three charged with returning the Arkenstone to the mountain looked insulted and their family members roared their protest of the insult. Thorin simply held up his hands. “These three followed me when very few would. They are three of the most honorable dwarves I have ever known. And because they are not of Durin’s line, it means they are the least likely to fall into the trap of the Arkenstone. Other than Billa herself, there is no one else I would put my trust in to such an important task. But I would not send Billa into the depths of the mountain.”

The other dwarves and Bard nodded their approval. Thranduil just went back to looking bored. Bifur, Bofur and Ori took the box, bowed the Thorin and walked out. They watched them go until Thorin called to their attention again.

“I have three more orders of business now, and I will make them quick. King Bard, I promised your people gold to help them rebuild their lives. I will pay that now. You can have all of it at once, or if you would prefer, since you don’t yet have safe places for keeping such large quantities of gold, I would give you part now and the rest when you are ready. I know my word doesn’t mean much, but I hope you will give me the honor of a second chance. However, it is up to you how you will receive the promised payment.”

“I suppose it would be more expedient to take only part now as we have no use for all of it just yet,” Bard said. “I will trust you Thorin, but if you go back on your word again, it will not be good for your people.”

Thorin nodded and waved to Gloin, who brought out a large sack of gold and handed it the human.

The new dwarven king turned to the elven king. “Thranduil, I was there the day my grandfather presented you the white jewels and then humiliated you by denying them to you. I didn’t understand why he did that. I still don’t understand, but I am not he and I will give them to you now.  Here are the jewels that were promised to you so long ago.” He waved his hand at Dori, who brought the box. Thorin took and opened it, showing Thranduil it was all there and unspoiled. Gently, he closed the box and presented it to Thranduil, who took it with a bow of his head.

Something passed between them, wordlessly, but powerfully. They might never like each other, but both knew that as long as Thorin lived, there would never be hostility between them again.

Finally, Thorin looked away and turned to Billa. “Now for my last item of business. When the madness of gold still fogged my mind, I hurt you. For that I will be forever sorry and I will do all it takes to prove to you my deepest desire to honor you. You might remember after the battle, I promised you that when the time came, you could go home. The winter is nearly over. You are free to leave at anytime and you will have a royal guard to see you safely home to the Shire.”

Billa’s heart clenched. Was he sending her away? All these months and after spending all that time together while they each healed and now he was letting her go. She realized she didn’t want to go. She loved Thorin too much for that. And he had given her a garden bigger than Bag End. How could she leave such a gift behind?

Thorin took a deep breath and continued. “But I asked you once to stay and be my queen. I am asking you again. Billa, you are free to go, but I would be honored and overjoyed if you would stay in Erebor, marry me and be my queen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies dear readers for the long delay in chapters. I will not let it go so long again until the story is done.


	19. A Wedding

Thorin was smiling as he proposed, but Billa could see the nervousness behind his eyes.

“I will Thorin,” she smiled. “I want to stay here with you and my friends.” She looked to the rest of the company. Ever since Kirin, she had never felt she belonged with the hobbits of the Shire. Her heart belonged to the dwarves. “I will marry you.”

Thorin’s smile was tender and gentle as he leaned forward to give her a kiss. “I love you,” he said quietly.

“I love you to,” Billa replied, and then remembered the audience around her, including Thranduil. “But don’t think for a moment that I won’t hesitate to use my wooden spoon if you misbehave again.”

Thorin nodded his head. “It will be all I deserve if you do.”

Dain stood completely dumbfounded, but a look from Dwalin kept him from saying what was on his mind. He finally shrugged his shoulders and watched as Thorin and Billa kissed again.

* * *

That evening, Thorin and Billa sat together, holding hands and exchanging kisses.

“I must admit,” Billa said in between kisses, “I was quite surprise on how diplomatic you were to Thranduil and Bard.”

Thorin growled in the back of his throat. “Don’t remind me. While I am quite serious about repaying my debts and honoring my word, I hate that I had to humble myself before them both.”

Billa nodded. “Humble pie is the most bitter, but it proved to me once and for all that you are a dwarf of the highest honor. Your honesty and honor will be long remembered by the dwarves of Erebor, Iron Hills, the men of Dale and the elves of the Greenwood, and while it may not have been pleasant for you, it was the best thing you could have done to begin building trust and new alliances between kingdoms. I am exceptionally proud of you.” And with this, Billa pulled Thorin in to a deep kiss as her hands moved to the back of his head to keep him there.

His lips were soft and Billa just melted right into them. When they both needed air and pulled apart, Billa looked into his eyes. “How soon can we marry?”

“Soon,” he said. “Because of me we have already wasted too much time.”

“We have both been healing. Will your sister be angry if she isn’t here for the wedding?” Billa asked.

Thorin nodded. “Yes. I’m not sure what is worse, though, not being married to you, or marrying you now and facing Dis’s wrath.”

Billa laughed and kissed him again. “When will she be here?”

Thorin’s voice was deep as he went for another kiss. “Not soon enough.”

* * *

After a raven sent to his sister and learning she was quite near now, Billa insisted on waiting for her new sister to arrive. Kili and Fili were giddy with excitement to see their mother again. When they saw their caravan approaching, it was on the first day of the spring equinox. Billa’s stomach twisted uneasily at the thought of meeting Thorin’s sister. What if she didn’t like Billa? But at the same time, she was eager to meet Thorin’s sibling and see for herself this formidable dwarrowdam.

Thorin was nervous. Dis had threatened him with his life if any harm were to come to her sons. They had nearly died, thanks to him, and bore the scars of the war he had led them into. He desperately hoped that Dis’s heart would be softened after meeting Billa, otherwise, he might not live to see the sun set.

Kili and Fili were running down the road, unable to wait any longer. From where they stood, Billa and Thorin could see someone jump off a pony and run to meet the two boys.

“I’m so nervous, Thorin,” Billa said.

Thorin squeezed her hand. “You’ve got nothing to be worried about. Dis is going to love you. I would worry, though about becoming a widow before we are married. She is not going to be happy with me at all.”

Billa looked up to him. “I’ll protect you.”

Billa chuckled at her own joke, but Thorin nodded solemnly, watching his sister approach. She was walking towards him now with an arm around each of her sons. As soon as they got close, Dis’s face broke into a huge smile.

“Thorin!” she cried out and ran to him. Thorin let go of Billa’s hand and ran to his sister. They met in an embrace that would have knocked Billa to the ground. For a long time they held each other and Billa could hear the guttural dwarven language being whispered between the siblings. It gave Billa a chance to look at the mother of Fili and Kili. She had dark hair, like Thorin, but Billa could see the shape of her mouth was like Fili’s. Billa found her to be quite beautiful.

When they broke apart, Dis gave Thorin one more smile before saying to him, “I’ll deal with you later.” Fear flashed across Thorin’s face, but Dis turned to Billa. Billa nervously fell into a deep curtsey at the princess.

“Princess Dis,” she said.

Dis came to her and rested a hand on her shoulder. “None of that. We are to be sisters.” Billa stood and was pulled into a hug. “There is much to talk about,” Dis said, taking Billa by the arm. “I want to hear all about how you won my brother over. Fili and Kili have expressed to me how I’m going to just love you as they love you.”

Billa blushed. “They are dear boys. They have made my life richer.”

Dis laughed. “I think we will be good friends.”

Over dinner, Billa told Dis about her connection to their family by having married their first cousin and her son and their death. Dis had cried with her as she also knew the pain of losing a spouse.

“I’m glad that Thorin has you and that you have Thorin. For all his faults, he’s really quite wonderful,” Dis smiled.

Billa smiled, but Thorin coughed. He was about to start pointing out all his follies on the journey, but Billa interrupted him.

“I would have to agree,” Billa smiled. She turned to Thorin and kissed him.

* * *

Dis and Billa got along splendidly. And for that reason, Dis didn’t kill her brother after she had learned about what he had done to Billa after they had arrived in Erebor. She wanted Billa to be happy and the only thing that was going to make Billa happy was her marriage to Thorin.

So, the two women worked together on all preparations for the wedding. There wasn’t much that could be done, but it was far enough into the spring that Bills was able to put together several small floral bouquets for the dais where they would be married. Dis was able to find, and hem up a dress that had belonged to her grandmother. It had been heavy with layers, but many of the top layers were too dusty and faded to be worn, so they had cut away at several layers until they had come to the softer undersides of a deep blue dress. With a little work, they turned it into a beautiful wedding dress.

Bard, Thranduil, Dain and their special guests were invited. Billa wished she had been able to have her garden prepared enough to hold at least part of the festivities in it, but it was only half way cleared out and nowhere near ready for planting. She had long since realized she would miss most of the planting season this year.

Finally, the big day came. Billa was dressed in her fine blue dress and Dis wove her hair into a beautiful do.

She and Thorin would walk into the hall side-by-side, so they waited at the large door for it to open. She looked to Thorin, who smiled, kissed her knuckles, and gave her hand a squeeze.

Thorin took Billa's hand as they walked to the dais.  Fili, clothed in rich green, was a step behind.  Balin stood at the dais waiting.  The three stopped and faced Balin.  He lifted his hands and brought the hall to complete silence.

"Erebor has been reclaimed!" Balin cried out.

A huge roar that rivaled the sounds of Smaug rang through the hall and then quickly quieted down again.

"Fili," Balin said.  "Come before me and kneel."  Fili did as he was told and Billa thought it strange that Balin should start with Fili and not Thorin.  "Fili, son of Dis, daughter of our father Durin, child of Aule the Creator. I hereby present to the people of Erebor, Fili as Crown Prince, heir to the King Under the Mountain. Will you solemnly promise and swear to rule and govern the people of Erebor under the direction of the King, always remembering that when you act officially, you are acting in his name, to the very best of your abilities?"

"I promise," Fili answered, bowing his head.

"Will you help your people and your king?

"I will."

"Will you uphold the laws of our people and be honest and fair in your judgments?"

"I will."

"On your head now I place the crown and proclaim you Crown Prince of Erebor."  Balin leaned forward and placed the Prince's Crown on Fili's golden head.

"Long live Crown Prince Fili of Erebor!" Balin cried out.

"To Crown Prince Fili of Erebor!" the dwarves shouted.

Fili stepped up onto the dais and turned to face his people.  When the shouting died down he spoke.

"It is my privilege and honor to be able to marry my Uncle, Thorin Oakenshield to Billa Baggins of the Shire," Fili said, starting right in to his first duty as a titled prince.

"Thorin, son of Thrain, do you promise to love, honor, protect and provide for Billa?" Fili asked.

"I will," Thorin said, looking to Billa and squeezing her hand in his.  "I give you that which is mine to give," Thorin promised, "I shall serve you in those ways you require, I will be your shield.  I will speak well of you and I will honor you above anything and anyone."

Fili was very pleased and turned to Billa, who quickly wiped away at a tear.  "Billa Baggins, do you promise to love, honor, protect and stand by Thorin's side?"

Billa looked to Thorin.  "I promise," she said. “Thorin, I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together.”

Thorin smiled happily.

“The couple will weave the marriage braid into their spouse’s hair,” Fili announced.

Thorin went first, carefully putting the strands of Billa’s hair in place and securing it with a bead. Billa did her best to create the marriage braid, but her fingers were not as skilled in braids as Thorin’s. She made a promise to herself that she would learn and become perfect at braiding Thorin’s hair.

“As Crown Prince of Erebor, I now name you, Thorin Oakenshield and Billa Baggins, husband and wife,” Fili announced.

Thorin took Billa into his arms, whispered how much he loved her into her ear, and then kissed her deeply.

The crowd cheered and clapped their hands and Billa broke away from Thorin was a huge grin and feeling the tingle in her body of want and desire. Balin stepped before them all again and Billa knew she would have to wait.

“We have returned to Erebor!” Balin cried out again, bringing another round of cheers. “But to keep Erebor happy and strong, we need a king of the direct line of our first father, Durin, the Deathless. Today we will crown our new king and his beautiful queen!”

Thorin had taken a solemn, majestic stance and was looking over his people with a promise to care for them all in his eyes. Billa, on the other hand, was completely surprised. She knew that Thorin would be king, but no one had told her she would be queen. It made sense, she supposed, but still, she would have like to have known ahead of time.

Fili stood before them, his crown shining on his head, and commanded Thorin and Billa to kneel.

“Billa, daughter of Bungo Baggins, child of the Shire, wife of Thorin Oakenshield. Today we do crown you as Queen Under the Mountain. Will you solemnly promise and swear to stand by the king’s side and be a voice of reason to the people who live here?”

“I solemnly promise,” Billa said, meaning it will all her heart.

“Will you act wisely and justly in his name and care for the people that you help him rule?” Fili smiled at her.

“I will,” Billa said. “His people are my people.”

Fili grinned and took a large crown from Balin’s arms. He placed it on her head. It was too big and very heavy, but Billa knew it was the Queen’s formal crown and wearing it meant a lot to Thorin and the dwarves in the hall. She looked up to Fili, the crown already slipping on her head, but she remained still and quiet, kneeling next to her husband.

Finally, Fili looked to his uncle. “Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Durin, child to our Creator Aule, I now present you to the people of Erebor to become King Under the Mountain. Will you solemnly promise and swear to govern the people of Erebor according to their respective laws and customs?"

Fili bowed his head.  "I solemnly make this promise."

"Will you to your power cause Law and Justice, in Mercy, to be executed in all your judgements?" Fili next asked.

“I do solemnly promise,” Thorin said.

Fili took the large Raven Crown from Balin and placed it on Thorin’s head. “Dwarves of Erebor, Dwarves of our Creator Aule, friends and guests,” Fili called loudly, looking out into the crowd, “I present to you King Thorin and Queen Billa!”

Thorin stood and helped Billa up off the stone floor. They turned around and greeted the crowd, who shouted with a roar that had Billa thinking that the mountain roof might collapse on them. Thorin bowed and Billa followed his lead. Her heart felt ready to burst from joy. Joy and nervousness. She had no idea how to be a queen, but she had made a promise and she planned to keep it. She would honor Thorin, his people and her dear beloved late husband, Kirin and son Frerin. For them she would work hard every day to be the queen these good dwarves deserved.

The new king and queen led the people out of the hall and into another one that had been set up with tables, chairs, food and an area for musicians and dancing. Dis came to the newlyweds and hugged them both tightly. “I’m so happy for you both.” She turned to Billa, “And I am glad to finally have a sister.”

“So and I.” Billa said as she wiped at her face, her emotions, which were so close to the surface these days, spilled out again.

Before they could sit down, they traded their formal crowns for smaller, lighter headwear, which Billa was very grateful for. The new delicate crown of silver and gold vines intertwined was beautiful and delicate. Thorin’s crown was much like a smaller version of his large raven crown. It was made of beautiful gold, but Billa wished it could have been silver. She was sure a silver crown would have looked amazing in his black hair.

Fili led them all in the first toast, then Thorin, then Billa, and soon there was food, music and lots of loud laughter. Billa watched them all in amusement and wondered how Kirin could have left all this family and this way of life to live the quiet, but gossipy life of the Shire. She missed Kirin, but he had been gone many, many long years now. Now, she looked to Thorin and she felt her heart swell. She loved Thorin and she looked forward to a long life with him. Once again, she felt the heat of lust returning to her belly. She couldn’t wait for the dinner to be over and that was a rare thing, for a hobbit.


	20. A life together

_A month before the wedding, Billa had approached Thorin on a serious matter._

_“I need to talk to you,” she had said, standing nervously in front of him._

_He quickly shut the book he had been reading and put it down. It had been among his father’s private things and Thorin found it to be amusing and informative. It was a book on how to please a dwarrowdam. He was glad that Billa couldn’t read the outside title, with it being in Khuzdul or else his face might have gone permanently red. “What’s the matter?” he asked._

_Billa shuffled her feet, nervously. Thorin had never seen her like this. “I’m just wondering if you would want children,” she said._

_Thorin’s eyebrows went up. He had not expected this. He felt his cheeks heat up slightly. How had she known he was reading about best positions for child conception? “Well, yes,” he said, rather stupidly._

_“I’m not promising anything, you understand,” she quickly said, “I mean, Kirin and I were married for many years and I only managed to give him one child even though we wanted more. Perhaps I cannot carry a dwarven child again. I don’t know.” She wiped away at a tear. Speaking of her son often made her emotional._

_Thorin was up in an instant and pulling her close. “Dearest,” he kissed the top of her head. “If you gave us a child, I would be the happiest dwarrow in all of this world. But if you cannot, that’s alright.   I need no heir because I have Fili and Kili. I need no one else in my life but you. If the rest of our lives are spent just you and me together, that is a fine life to live. But if you manage to conceive and bear a child, it would be wonderful.”_

_“Well, I just wondered if I should stop taking my tea with the herbs in it?” she asked. “That way I would be ready when we marry.”_

_“Now wait a moment,” he said pulling her back and looking her in the face. “Is that what you want? Do you want children? For I will not force you to bear if that is not your desire.”_

_“Oh Thorin,” she cried. “I want it. My body aches for a baby. I want to give birth to a child that is part you and part me.”_

 

* * *

That was the way the conversation had gone and after some more talk and tears on Billa’s part, she had decided she would no longer take her herbs so she would have a chance to conceive.

Now, as Thorin pulled his body out of hers he couldn’t help but wonder if his seed would take root and a baby would grow.

“I am so happy to be your wife,” Billa smiled and sighed contentedly. “You are an incredible lover.”

“Hmm,” Thorin said, secretly very pleased by her comment. “It’s hard not to be when I have one so beautiful and eager as you to make love too.”

They rested; their breathing still slightly heavy. Billa curled up into Thorin’s arms, ignoring the mess between them. “I hope that I have a baby,” she said quietly and moved her hand to her stomach, just over her womb.

“So do I,” Thorin spoke quietly into her ear and moved his hand to rest on top of hers. “But if we do not, I am very happy to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Billa turned to face Thorin and grinned. “Maybe we should try again, just to make sure I’ve got a good chance tonight.”

Thorin kissed her deeply. “Sounds like a good plan to me.” He pulled her close and kissed her again, feeling the heat in his body beginning to burn again.

 

* * *

Thorin watched as his wife worked and labored. She did not scream or curse him for the pain she was currently in. She moaned, groaned and panted and at last, she cried out with a fierce battle cry.

Thorin, with his hands guided by Oin, caught the baby as it was pushed from Billa’s womb. He had wanted to be the first one to hold his child and Billa had been very supportive of his wish. As she fell back against Dis’ chest, she was glad that it was Thorin’s hands who first touched their baby and no one else’s.

“Sweet Mahal,” Thorin said as he looked at the child.

Billa’s eyes flew open and she struggled to sit up. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“It’s a girl,” he said, still staring at the baby.

“Oh, Thorin,” Billa nervously said. “I hope that is not too disappointing. I know how fathers always wish for sons.”

Behind her, Dis chuckled and in front of her, Thorin’s eyes turned to his wife. He held up the baby to show Billa before moving to place it onto her chest.

“You don’t understand,” Thorin said. “To be given a son is a great privilege. But to be given a daughter, it is a rare honor.”

Billa smiled and kissed her daughter’s head. “She’s beautiful. Did you see Thorin? Look at her hair?”

“She is a daughter of Durin’s line, make no doubt,” Dis said, reaching around Billa to touch the baby’s black hair.

At Oin’s request, Thorin took the baby to be washed and cleaned while Billa finished the birth and then with Dis’s help, got showered, cleaned, and tucked away into bed. Billa was exhausted, but eagerly accepted her baby and pulled it to her breast.

When Oin was finished, he left and Dis went to make herself a bed on the couch, ready to help at any time during the night. Billa yawned as she nursed.

“Did you mean what you said?” she asked, “Or were you just trying to ease my mind?”

“About what?” Thorin asked as he changed into some night clothes.

“About daughters.”

“Billa,” he said, climbing into bed next to his wife and child. “Daughters are incredibly rare. Until now, Dis was the only daughter born in the direct line of kings for five generations. That’s hundreds of years. Now, there have been two daughters in two generations. It is an honor indeed.”

“Oh,” Billa said in awe, looking at her tiny princess. “In the Shire, children are very plentiful. Fathers always want sons first. I knew one family, the Boffins, they had ten daughters. Every time she became pregnant, they hoped for a son, until finally, their eleventh child was a boy.”

“Ten daughters?” Thorin looked ready to pass out in disbelief.

Billa laughed. “I’m sorry I cannot promise you ten daughters since I only have another ten years or so for child-bearing, but I’ll give you what I can.”

Thorin held her close and kissed her temple. “You never have to give me another child. This one is perfect. Do not worry yourself over some things just yet.”

“But I want another,” Billa’s eyes were wide. “Perhaps when this one is closer to her first birthday we can discuss this again.”

“Is that safe?” Thorin asked. “Dwarves cannot have children so close together.”

“But hobbits can,” she smiled.

 

* * *

 

As Thorin fell asleep that night with his exhausted, beautiful wife on one side of him and his tiny, gorgeous daughter in her crib on the other side of him, he couldn’t help but think back over his life. The good, the bad, the horrible and the joyful. Frerin’s death, his grandfather’s death, nearly loosing Fili and Kili to Azog, nearly loosing Billa to his own stupidity; those were among the most horrible days of his life. But when he thought of the days that were the sweetest, they included Fili’s birth and then Kili’s birth, his wedding to Billa, and now this day, the birth day of his daughter. He sighed happily.

Billa rolled over and groaned in pain.

“Billa?”

“I am so sore,” she moaned. She took a few moments to snuggle into Thorin’s arms. “Thorin?” she whispered quietly after a while. “Do you think Kirin is mad at me?”

“Of course not. I’m sure this is hard for you. You have borne a child to another before and lost them both. But Kirin was not cruel. I don’t think he would begrudge you a life with love and children.”

“I wish Frerin was here to meet his sister.”

For a moment, Thorin thought she had been speaking of his brother, not her son. “Oh yes, I wish he were too.”

“And I wish his namesake were here as well,” Billa added, somehow knowing what Thorin had been thinking.

“Both of our Frerins are sitting together in the Halls of Mando’s, I’m sure.”

Billa chuckled. “Getting into mischief?”

“Of course,” Thorin smiled in the darkness. “No more tonight, my sweet. Get some sleep before our princess wakes up and is ready for a midnight snack.”

Billa yawned. “Good idea. Will you join me in my dreams?”

Thorin kissed her head and whispered in her ear. “I will. Good night, sweet Billa.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you good friends and readers. It was a fun story to write and I hope you enjoyed it. I'm sorry it took so long in between chapters, but it is done now and I hoped it satisfied.
> 
> Take care, good readers.


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